Blogging at midnight

I'm practically falling asleep as I write this.

I felt glad today working again on an optimization problem. I hope my professor likes it.

I need to go to bed now so I won't be late to church tommorrow (hope I spelt it well)

blogosphere

I read a touching blog of a scorned woman. I think it's a great material for a movie, if the owner of the blog does not mind.

I think Nollywood can pick real stories like hers and give us something interesting to watch.

What do you think?

Stem Cell methods

What is your view about Stem Cell methods as a cure for infertility? Do you think man is trying to play God or do you think it is a matter of choice? I'll like your feedback.
P.S: I'm still researching into it myself and I can not categorically say 'Thus saith the Lord' on the matter.

Have a nice day.

The Ant

Quite powerful

Brenda was almost halfway to the top of the tremendous granite cliff. She was standing on a ledge where she was taking a breather during this, her first rock climb. As she rested there, the safety rope snapped against her eye and knocked out her contact lens. "Great", she thought. "Here I am on a rock ledge, hundreds of feet from the bottom and hundreds of feet to the top of this cliff, and now my sight is blurry."
She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the ledge. But it just wasn't there.
She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She prayed for calm, and she prayed that she may find her contact lens.

When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible verse "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth."

She thought, "Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me."

Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the cliff they met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, "Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?"

Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying it!

The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption, "Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You."

I think it would do all of us some good to say, "God, I don't know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will."

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

Yes, I do love GOD. He is my source of existence and my Savior. He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I am nothing, but with Him....I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. (Phil. 4:13)

Keyboards are dirtier than toilets

Think twice before eating those dropped crumbs off your computer keyboard- you might as well be eating off a toilet seat.
A study by British consumer magazine Which? Computing asked a microbiologist to examine 33 keyboards in a typical London office, a toilet seat and a toilet handle for bugs generally found in unhygienic places. Four keyboards were judged potential health hazards and the microbiologist recommended the removal of one keyboards as it had 150 times the pass limit of bacteria- five times filthier than the swabbed toilet seat
"Most people don't give much thought to the grime that builds up on their PC (keyboard), but if you don't clean your computer (keyboard), you might as well eat your lunch off the toilet" said Sarah Kidner, editor of Which?Computing in a statement. The study found that eating lunch at desks is the main cause of a bug-infested keyboard (ouch, that's close to home). Dropped crumbs and food encourages growth of millions of bacteria. Poor personal hygiene, such as not washing hands after going to the toilet, may also add to the dirtiness of keyboards.
But despite the health hazards of a dirty keyboard, a survey of 4,000 people by the magazine found one in 10 persons- or 11 per cent- never cleaned their keyboard while another two in 10 never cleaned their mouse (how did the mouse come into the picture?). To clear out bugs, the magazine recommends users unplug keyboards, turn them upside down and shake them (hey, Which, what do we do with the mice?)



Gulf News, Sat, May 3, 2008
www.gulfnews.com

(Excuse me, I need to clean my keyboard. I can't believe I've been working in a public toilet of my own making for so long. Now I have to figure out what to do with the mouse).

Please save yourself and other who work in the same area as you do the 'luxury' of eating in a public toilet. Clean your keyboard! and your mouse, if you can figure out a way to do the cleaning.

Parking slot

A man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going abroad on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the man hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked
on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then
drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000" ?


The man replies:


"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41
and expect it to be there when I return?"

What “The Office” Teaches Us About Work

The popular TV show "The Office" hilariously satirizes the nine-to-five work world. The sitcom features a collection of cube-dwelling characters who are occasionally offensive, petty, obnoxious, inept, annoying, self-absorbed or unproductive -- or all of the above.

The show has clearly resonated with the public and pop-culture enthusiasts, perhaps because people sometimes catch a glimpse of "The Office" in their own workplaces. But "The Office" offers viewers more than just laughs. The show is a cautionary tale serving up weekly reminders of how not to behave in a professional setting. With the corporate misfits of "The Office" in mind, use the following tips to avoid becoming the person your colleagues dread to see walking toward them.

Joke with care
When it comes to having a good sense of humor in the workplace, focus on developing the "good sense" part. While most professionals can easily identify jokes that fall into the "absolutely acceptable" and "clearly inappropriate" categories, they have trouble navigating the gray area in between. Many employees have found themselves in hot water for merely inching a toe over this fine line. So, if you're unsure if you should tell an off-color joke or forward a risqué e-mail, remember that it's better to be safe than sorry. No matter how well you think you know a colleague, refrain from joking about age, race, religion, gender or other sensitive subjects. Also, steer clear of making sarcastic remarks, which can be easily misconstrued.
That said, levity does have a place in "The Office" environment. Having the
ability to laugh at yourself -- and difficult situations -- goes a long way
toward maintaining perspective, reducing stress and building rapport with
co-workers. But you don't need to be "The Office" comedian to win over
your colleagues. Just be willing to see the lighter side of the workplace.

Forgo fulsome flattery.

There's nothing wrong with trying to impress your boss. After all, your
manager plays a pivotal role in your career advancement. But it's important
to be sincere, and actions speak louder than words. Show your boss that you're loyal to the firm by working hard and making smart decisions, not by playing politics or becoming a tattletale. The most respected and well-liked professionals treat each person in "The Office" with the same level of courtesy.

Avoid the gossip grapevine.

Unfortunately, the ubiquity of workplace whispering can make gossiping an easy pastime to adopt. Skipping the opportunities to share juicy rumors about a pending merger or a colleague's weekend adventure can be hard to resist. But resist them anyway. Talking behind someone's back or passing along highly sensitive or unsubstantiated information as fact will only undermine your credibility. Though it can be beneficial to be aware of what's being said by the water cooler chit-chatters, it's wise to keep the information to yourself.

While funny and farcical, "The Office" does shine a spotlight on the many pitfalls of exercising poor judgment in the workplace. Use what you learn to handle yourself with tact and professionalism. And always remember that people enjoy working with individuals they like. By showing respect to both your boss and your co-workers, you'll build camaraderie -- and a solid reputation.

Excerpt from Robert Half International Inc. www.rhi.com

Silly Quotes

"Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields, Actress
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"Better make it six, I can’t eat eight.” - Dan Osinski, baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices

According to TY, they live among us. Beware!

Seat belts and Crash Helmets

I had the most illuminating ride to work today. I woke up late (I was late to work by the time I woke up). I had a speed bath, speed dressed and took a commercial vehicle to CMS. All was going according to plan.
Then, I took a bike from CMS to VI (to avoid getting to work after lunch). The interesting bike man decided to get on the BRT lane. After asking him (then screaming at him)to get off the lane like 5 times, he obliged, telling me that all the security operatives were his people and no one could 'catch' him. I succeeded in convincing him after I told him he was acting like an animal. That really got to him and offended him (thank God he is not a violent man). I managed to explain to him that I was not calling him an animal but I was trying to show him what his behaviour was portraying. I told him that civilization (which man boasts of) is the ability to comply with laws that were established for our own good. (I don't know if that applies to cars moving on the BRT lanes as my concern was for safety, as well as complying with the directive)
This afternoon, I took another bike and I observed other people on bikes with their helmets. Some put on the helmet but did not hook the part that ensures that the helmet remains attached to their head no matter what. Others used the industrial helmet (hard hat). That set me thinking about the Nigerian attitude to personal safety (I don't know what obtains in other climes). I'll like to talk a little about the use of the crash helmet and the seat belt.
1. The crash helmet and the seat belts fall under the same category as far as protection is concerned- they are mitigative, i.e. they do not prevent accidents. However, they are to ensure that if the undesired event (e.g. accident) does happen, the consequences are minimised. In the case of the crash helmet, it is to ensure that if one is ever involved in a bike accident, there is little or no damage to the brain. In the case of the seatbelt, it protects you from going through the windscreen (in the case of the front passengers) or becoming a projectile that could hurt other otherwise safe people (in the case of those at the back).
2. None of them is really so inconvenient that we would want to risk the consequence of not using them (potential death)
3. The car was designed with the sealt belt in mind. The seat belt and the crash helmet are part of the design in using the car and the motorcycle safely. Not using them is like opening a transformer box without the appropriate safety equipment, carrying a hot pot from the stove with your bare hands or handling a loaded gun without some protection.
4. The crash helmet is designed to have that latch that ensures that the helmet stays on your head in the event of a fall. If you use the industrial type or you use the actual one without the latch, the helmet will come off your head in the event of a fall and you are left with no protection (just like someone that did not use the protection)
5. My answer to those who say that using the crash helmet can make you disappear is this- sitting on the bike can also make you disappear. You actually have the option of walking to wherever you're going or using a vehicle (where you should use your seat belt). If you are afraid of the crash helmet and do not like the seat belt, you can walk. It is actually healthy.
6. The major difference between man and animals is that man was not designed to react to his environment. He can order his world and use his environment to his advantage. in other words, man can think and carry out his thoughts. You can decide to use the crash helmet and the seat belt and not be one of the statistics that the FRSC has to report.

I read yesterday that in Lagos, the FRSC recodrded 15000 deaths from bike accidents in 20 years. This translates to roughly 2 deaths per day in the past 20 years and these deaths are mostly preventable, if each one of us will use our crash helmets.

Finally, the law requires you to use the seat belt and the crash helmet. Let's get involved in our personal safety and do the right thing.

Eko o ni baje o.

Try Ignorance

Never been to Kenya so can't say it happened in my neighbourhood but is the lesson powerful or what?

There was this case in Kenyatta National Hospital Intensive Care ward
where patients always died in the same bed on Sunday morning at 11am,
regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something
to do with the supernatural no one could solve the mystery.... as to
Why the death at 11.AM

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go
down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the
next Sunday morning few minutes before 11am, all doctors and nurses
nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the
terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer, books and their
Objects to ward off the evil.....Just when the clock struck
11.....



Guess what happened??

...... Mukhobero Wepukhulu, the part-time
Sunday sweeper entered the ward and unplugged the life support system
so that he could use the socket for the vacuum
cleaner.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

15 Ways...

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.



2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.



3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.



4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."



5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.



6. Don't use any punctuation.



7. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.



8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.



9. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."



10. Sing along in the elevator.



11 Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.



12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.



13. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.



14. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I won! I won!"



15. When leaving the zoo, start running toward the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives! They're loose!!"

Dear Staff

Dear STAFF ,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___
1) TRANSPORTATION :
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda , we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.

3) LUNCH BREAK :
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

4) SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

5) TOILET USE :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.

6) SURGERY :
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

7) INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges
will be deducted from your salary.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere

John!

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the bed. It was addressed, "Dad".

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

'Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice, even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion, dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy.

Even though you won't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, John'

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home

SMART IS NOT SO SMART AFTERALL

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?











Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.











2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?










Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.





3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?











Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why are you still reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.





4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany.
Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land"?












Answer: You don't bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.




5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon , two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You
then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?



















Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

Telephone Conversation

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree

Kids say...

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so
old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember
you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much
that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in
vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her
Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she 'd have to open it
for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does
it know it's me?

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked
what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen
with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named
Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife
looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What
happened to the flea?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled
woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked,
'Why doesn't your skin fit your face ?'

The Sermon.
I think this Mom will never forget this particular Sunday sermon. 'Dear
Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a
rapturous look on his upturned face, 'Without you, we are but dust...'

He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter
who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her
shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

Never be late for meetings

A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the Parish.


A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner.

He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person to enter my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss' wife, taken illegal drugs and he had given VD to his sister.

I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession....."

Everybody burst into laughter…………………………………………………………….


Moral of the story: DON'T BE LATE for meetings.

WELCOME TO A NEWDAY, A NEW WEEK AND A NEW MONTH.

WELCOME TO MONTH OF FEBRUARY. FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, FEBRUARY MEANS

F=FAVOUR

E=ELEVATION

B=BLESSING

R=RESTORATION

U=UPLIFTMENT

A=ABUNDANCE

R=REJOICING

Y=YES TO ALL YOUR PRAYERS.



Starting from today, you are moving from glory to glory; anything you lay your hands shall prosper in Jesus Name. Your dream will not die, your plans will not fail, your destiny will not be aborted, the desires of your heart will be granted, this FEBRUARY, Say a big AMEN. Money will know your Name and Address from now on. Heavens have confirmed today the end of your sufferings, sorrows & pains because he that sits on the throne has remembered u. He has taken away the hardship and given U JOY. He will never let you down. Don’t feel selfish to have these blessings alone, bless someone else

I love this Doctor !

Got this from my friend....(wink). Strictly for laughs, I can't vouch for the doctor's answers!

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that 's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!



Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.



Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!



Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

A Night with Ayomide

I slept over at my sister's house yesterday and spent a wonderful night with my nephew. My time with him is always peaceful (oops, scratch that, I meant delightful . Seriously, there is a sense of peace in his childish pranks).

I met him and his nanny with his homework. Sincerely, I didn't get the point of the homework, it was hard for a child who just learnt to 'color' the previous class. I also didn't get the point. Why is he required to join dotted lines to form a solid one? is that supposed to teach him to draw? Anywayz, we struggled through the homework. I had to keep his morale up anytime he managed to pay enough attention and get it right. I also had to threaten to go back to my house like 16 times as well as threaten to tell his daddy that he had not finished his homework about 10 times to get us to the end. Phew!

While we were struggling with the homework, he taught me his new song 'Wittle, Wittle Spider" (Little, Little Spider). Everytime I asked him to sing another song, he'll go right back to "Wittle, Wittle Spider"


Then, the fun part came. For some reason, my nephew's best song is Greenland (TY Bello). I had a torchlight which I gave him to use as a microphone. Everytime I tried to change the song, he'll cry until I go back to Greenland. Even Ben 10 (his favorite cartoon- he keeps saying "I'm a Ben 10") could not distract him from the show. I had to beg him before I could sleep yesterday.

In all, it was a wonderful visit.

Riding in the Car with engineers 2

I rode in the car yesterday again with the same engineers.

First we almost hit one guy when we tried to avoid another one hitting us (mad Lagos driving. Those who live outside Lagos may not understand). One of the guys in our car then started shouting at our 'victim'. The 'victim' was so frustrated, he was at the point of tears. I couldn't help laughing (of course, that was when we were out of the victim's sight).

Somehow, we found ourselves talking about how ladies tend to look ahead when they drive and how men always seem to be looking for something. The thread continued until we found ourselves talking about 'love at first sight'. I told them that I find it distasteful when a guy meets a girl for the first time and tells her that he 'loves' her. That started a round of arguments that was truncated when I alighted from the car to spend A Night with Ayomide.

The Mobile Church

On Friday, I took a commercial vehicle back home.

While we were waiting for the bus to get filled, I 'noticed' (the right word is not yet known. He spoke out loud enough in the bus for all of us to know that he was there so pardon my use of 'notice') a middle-aged man. He was talking with some guy outside who was either begging or selling something. I heard him tell the guy that 'you can not call yourself a Christian, others will tell you if you are a Christian or not' and I rolled my eyes. I have heard that sentence time and over again. i wonder if folks who say that ever read Roamns 8: 16 ( The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God).

Soon enough, the bus got filled and we started on our way. Then comes a voice asking us to join him in his song. Guess who was talking? You guessed right. it was the same man. After singing, he started by saying he got a message from God which was to be preached in January. Well, I was already in the bus so I had no choice than to listen anyway. He went on and told us that the message was that this year will be a tough year but in the midst of it, if you serve God diligently, you will enjoy the best (I had no qualms with that). Then, he went on to tell us more. According to him, this year, you need to make plans, work your plans and monitor the plans (I have only a few qualms with that one. That idea has been around for so long. I'll be surprised that God needs to reiterate that since that's probably what most serious-minded people do anyway. I'll have no qualms if he had emphasized making plans as you are led by the Spirit but I did not hear him mention the Holy Spirit in the whole 'message'). Somewhere in between the message, he pointed out to us that he was the Maintenance Manager of a fast growing Fast Food Restaurant (He mentioned the restaurant but i don't think I need to repeat the name)
A young man's phone rang while he was preaching the message. The guy told the person at the other end of the phone to call him back since 'pastor' was preaching in the bus. The 'pastor' immediately corrected the young man that they were in a 'church' not a 'bus'. (I have many qualms with that. I don't believe you convert someone's bus into your 'church' without their consent. I also don't think you should coerce people into listening to you because you have a loud voice).
In his bid to make the session more interactive, he asked a question (which i do not remember now) and turned towards me to provide an answer. I'm sure you won't believe what I'm about to say next. Well, I told him I was not part of his 'church' and that I entered a bus, not a church.
I guess that must have struck the wrong chord in him and I know it caught him off balance. He went off on a tirade and told me that his is not a modern church. He said his church did not permit girls to put on clothes to show off their breasts to seduce men (I checked to be sure of what i was putting on because it was not anywhere near what he was saying). Then he went on to talk about girls that celebrate Val's day by sleeping around. generally, he went on and on. I made sure I did not laugh at him (though I was very tempted). He went on to tell me that he graduated from school 17 years ago (He didn't mention the school, though) so if it was my education that made me arrogant, he was also educated.
When he managed to get a hold of himself, he went on with his 'message'. He said that God's desire was to control His children. I know that is not the whole truth because Revelations 4: 11 says 'Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created'. We were created for his pleasure and as objects of His love; not control.
Funny enough, sometime later, his wife called him and while he was talking he inferred that the husband should control his wife. I was tempted to ask him who has the control over his wife- God or him.
While I was ruminating over the happenings, the Spirit told me that if I had spoken up before him, I would have put forth the truth that I am now articulating. Truth!! Well, I guess a major lesson learnt is...he that speaks first in the bus decides the message the people will listen to.
Comments are definitely welcome.

Micro-Waved Water

Got this from my friend (not to be named yet)
Micro-Waved Water -
A 26-year old guy decided to have a cup of coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before).
I am not sure how long he set the timer for, but he told me he wanted to bring the water to a boil. When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup, he noted that the water was not boiling, but instantly the water in the cup 'blew up' into his face.
The cup remained intact until he threw it out of his hand but all the water had flown out into his face due to the build up of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face, which may leave scarring. He also may have lost partial sight in his left eye. While at the hospital, the doctor who was attending to him stated that this is fairly common occurrence and water (alone) should never be heated in a microwave oven. If water is heated in this manner, something should be placed in the cup to diffuse the energy such as: a wooden stir stick, tea bag, etc. It is however a much safer choice to boil the water in a tea kettle.

General Electric's (GE) response:
Thanks for contacting us. I will be happy to assist you. The e- mail that you received is correct. Micro waved water and other liquids do not always bubble when they reach the boiling point. They can actually get superheated and not bubble at all. The superheated liquid will bubble up out of the cup when it is moved or when something like a spoon or teabag is put into it. To prevent this from happening and causing injury, do not heat any liquid for more than two minutes per cup.
After heating, let the cup stand in the microwave for thirty seconds before moving it or adding anything into it.

If you pass this on .. you could very well save someone from a lot of pain and suffering.

What makes world leaders think George Bush loves nut pastries, reads poetry and plays the harp?

Alexander Chancellor: What makes world leaders think George Bush loves nut pastries, reads poetry and plays the harp?
via Latest news, sport, business, comment and reviews from the Guardian | guardian.co.uk by Alexander Chancellor on 1/29/09



This week, as it is required to do by law, the US state department published a list of all the presents given by foreigners in 2007 to President George Bush. It was an enormous list, running to hundreds of items, and remarkable also for the consistently unappealing nature of the gifts. I can honestly say that I didn't covet any of them.

It might be thought surprising that foreign leaders still give the US president any presents at all, given the lack of grace with which they are received. They are accepted only on the grounds that "non-acceptance would cause embarrassment to donor and US government", and the donors can be sure that hardly any of them will ever reach their intended destination. For the president is allowed to keep only gifts valued at under $335 for his personal use; the rest are regarded as gifts to the people of the US, from whom the president must buy them, if he wants them, at the market price. However, ever since that first Christmas in Bethlehem, potentates have wanted to show deference to their superiors by bearing them gifts, and it seems that nothing can cure this compulsion - not even the knowledge that it is all money down the drain. Yet you might still expect rather more intelligence and imagination from the world's leaders in their choice of presents.

You would think, for example, that before deciding to give Bush a £150 box of Charbonnel et Walker chocolates, Gordon Brown would have borne in mind that the American secret service requires the destruction of all food gifts to the president. However, Brown was not alone in this. The prime minister of Qatar gave Bush a large tin of "chocolates, fruits and cookies" worth £650, and the Iraqi president gave an "assortment of nut pastries", but these, too, in the words of the state department, were "handled pursuant to secret service policy" (ie destroyed). The same sad fate befell the £3 worth of "live shamrocks" given to Bush by the then Irish prime minister, Bertie Ahern, on St Patrick's Day.

Bush would have been allowed to keep another of Brown's gifts - a "green, beige and red plaid lambswool blanket" - because it is worth so little; but it has ended up all the same in a government warehouse, as has a present from Tony Blair (a Wedgwood bowl inscribed with the words "Am I not a man and a brother?", the slogan of the 19th-century British anti-slavery movement). If it is difficult to imagine what either British prime minister intended with these gifts, it is even harder to guess what was in the mind of Vladimir Putin when he gave Bush a book of "English Sonnets, 16th to 19th century", which he obviously would never read, and utterly mystifying why the president of Vietnam gave him an electric harp, which he most definitely would never play.

I clearly still have a great deal to learn about the workings of international diplomacy.

A Visit From God!

A Visit From God!
By Chris Oyakhilome (Ph.D)
Many people today are in dire need of a change which only God could handle. They’ve probably heard about how God showed up in some other person’s situation, and this makes them wonder, ‘What about me?’ ‘When will God ever meet my need?’ But God is real and He does visit.

God is omnipresent; His presence fills everywhere; yet He does come and go, in spite of His omnipresence. This is because though His presence is everywhere; His manifested presence is not everywhere. So God does visit.

A Strong Desire
There’s an inspiring story of a woman in the book of 1 Samuel 1:1-21, named Hannah. Her story reveals God’s personality, faithfulness and kindness. Hannah had no child because she was barren. She had been in this situation for many years, and no physician could help her. So, she knew God was the only one who could help her; her situation couldn’t be reversed by man’s power or ability. The situation was a bit bearable for her because her husband loved her very much, her condition notwithstanding. Moreover, she got a worthy portion of offering to sacrifice to God at Shiloh - the annual place of worship. On a particular occasion, while the whole family was on their way to worship and offer sacrifices to God at Shiloh, her rival, Peninnah, goaded her with her condition. This made her very sad and desperate and her countenance fell. This time, her husband’s efforts to encourage her were all to no avail. By the time they arrived at Shiloh, her desire for a child was so strong, that the Bible says,

“And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto the Lord, and wept sore.” (1 Samuel 1:10)
Hannah had a strong desire now for a change. When God visits you, the first thing you’ll discover is a strong desire for change.

There is a promise of a higher realm of life for you regardless of where you are presently. God’s Word is His promise to you, and it’s a place of rest. When you let Him visit you, He will carry you there. You need the visitation of God in order to move to this realm of life, but first you need that desire. You are God’s child but you have an enemy, the devil, who will do everything to keep you from getting what is yours.

Do you want a change? Do you want the power of the kingdom of God to produce results for you? Then your heart must reach out; you must be bursting with a strong desire. Strong desire is necessary in life. A compelling desire for a change is the starting place.

“ And David perceived that the Lord had established him king over Israel, and that he had exalted his kingdom for his people Israel’s sake.” (2 Samuel 5:12)

Isn’t this amazing? David had been king for several years already. Then one day, while sitting on his throne, it dawned on him that God had actually established him as king over Israel and exalted his kingdom.
I’m sure something like this has happened to you before; you were looking for a pen to use and it suddenly dawned on you, you had one in your pocket, all the while.

There are times you don’t have something but because you don’t really have any desire for it, it might not occur to you that you need it. All of a sudden, the need dawns on you, and from that point your desire for it begins to increase. Hannah had probably made up a lot of excuses in her heart for her condition, thinking, “The God of Abraham will visit me one day.” She must have tried to console herself that everything was okay except that she didn’t have a child. But it got to a time that she couldn’t take it anymore, it dawned on her, just like David, that she needed a miracle. She knew she didn’t want to live the rest of her life without a child.

The same thing happened to the children of Israel in Egypt. It wasn’t until they didn’t have enough to eat and the whips of the Egyptian taskmasters landed on their backs that God’s promise occurred to them (Exodus 2:23-25). It dawned on them that a better land was waiting for them, where all the good things of life were freely available and they’d no longer be slaves.

Sometimes you find Christians in a desperate situation, just like Hannah’s, but they fail to recognize it. They have great need in their lives but fail to realize it. Until the need dawns on them, they may never recognise the solution or desire it.
You want a change? It’s got to dawn on you that God has prepared something better than where you are now. The first step to your miracle is to get uncomfortable with your present state!

When you discover that you have a strong desire for change, then God is at your door. The strong desire is the response of the human soul to God, as He knocks on the door of your heart. There’s something about the human soul; when your soul cries out in a strong desire, God immediately responds to it. God said, ‘before you call I’ll be there, before you ask, I’ll answer you’ (Isaiah 65:24).

Nourish Your Desire
What do you do with your desire? Let’s learn from David. David had an excellent reputation of seeking God’s Presence. God called him a man after His own heart (1 Samuel 13:14).“O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary.” (Psalms 63:1-2)

David said, ‘I have a strong desire within me to see your power, Oh God!’ He didn’t hunger and thirst for food and drink; he thirsted and hungered to see the power of God. If you don’t follow his writing carefully, you may erroneously think he just woke up one morning with this desire without doing anything, that is, without any effort on his own part. The secret of this longing and desire for God is in verse 6 of the same chapter, where he says,

“When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.” (Psalm 63:6) Can you see that? Even when he went to bed, he didn’t forget about God. He thought about Him all day and night, meditating on His Word. This wasn’t an accidental thought. No! It was a conscious thought and must have required some effort on his part. He deliberately and consciously nursed his desire for God! You can either nurse to increase your desire, or quench your desire. When that strong desire comes to your heart, nurse it, nourish it, and don’t let anything take it away from you. Let it grow stronger and stronger.
You’ll also discover that when you have a strong desire for something, more information will come to you about that thing. Then you’ll look up to God for answers. If you have a strong desire, let it work in you, don’t push it away.

Riding in the car with Engineers

I had the most exciting ride home yesterday.

First, we had to wait for a guy who was delayed by his supervisor. The first time he was called, he said he was shutting down his system. That got us talking about similar incidents. The owner of the car told us of a guy that told him he was already downstairs, coming towards the car. The car owner then decided to quickly ease himself and all that. After spending about 20 minutes doing that, he came out and called the other guy, who told him he was still on his way. In annoyance, the car owner said he left the other guy. My question is this, why do we tend to behave like that.

The guy we were waiting for finally came and we got on to talking about being a J.J.C (Johnny just come in Lagos). The representative J.J.C in our midst let us into his experience trying to understand Lagos roads. He said the major reason for his confusion is that in most parts of Lagos, the road travelled to get to a place is not necessarily the same as the return route. He was supported by former J.J.Cs who have finally acclimatized. What do you think? is the Lagos road network complicated? My major challenge with Lagos is that there are too many people in a hurry (going nowhere, of course).

Then one of the guys got a call from someone who wanted to see him. We got on to talking about people who only remember you at month end. One of the guys said he always escapes them by telling them he is 'offshore' whenever they call him. (So, if your engineer relative, friend etc tells u he's offshore at month end, he/she may just be escaping from you, lol). One of them brought up the story of a man whose wife 'suddenly' put to bed, wondering if 9 months is not enough notice for one to plan.

Those were the high points of my 'Ride in the Car with Engineers' yesterday. Clearly one of the liveliest rides I've had.

Have a nice day!

What do you think about this database?

What do you think about this database?


ContactPoint, controversial children's database launched to help those at risk
via Latest news, sport, business, comment and reviews from the Guardian | guardian.co.uk by Jessica Shepherd on 1/26/09



Doctors, social workers and police can look up details on every child in England on a controversial database from today.

The £224m directory, called ContactPoint, holds the name, address, date of birth, GP and school of all under-18s, and is aimed at helping professionals reach children they suspect are at risk. It aims to prevent children falling into gaps between different services and was set up in response to an inquiry into the murder of Victoria Climbié in 2000.

Victoria, 8, was tortured to death by her great-aunt and her great-aunt's boyfriend. Police, doctors and social workers had been in contact with her while she was being abused.

Before today, if a social worker or police officer believed a child was at risk, there was no immediate way of knowing whether other services had been in contact with the child.

The database will not hold information on a child's suspected abuse or family history, and will be impossible to download.

But it has attracted controversy from the outset, with civil liberties groups, children's campaigners and the Information Commissioner concerned about its scope and role.

The Association of Directors of Children's Services (ADCS) wrote to officials in 2007 outlining "significant" concerns about the database. Richard Stiff, the ADCS chair of information systems and technology policy committee, said confusion over who is responsible for vetting users and policing the system "may allow a situation where an abuser could be able to access ContactPoint for illegitimate purposes with limited fear of any repercussions".

The children's secretary, Ed Balls, who announced the launch of the database today, said it would help those who work with children to "prevent problems escalating". He said recent cases had shown that a lack of "proper and timely information-sharing" could have tragic consequences.

Its launch comes after the death of 17-month-old boy Baby P in August 2007, who suffered a catalogue of abuse at the hands of his mother and her boyfriend. Baby P was on an at-risk register and had been seen some 60 times by social workers, doctors and welfare groups.

Balls said: "No system can ever guarantee that all children will be safe but we know ContactPoint will make a real difference."

The Liberal Democrats have called for the "intrusive" database to be scrapped. The party's children's spokesman, David Laws, said: "The fact that the rollout has already been delayed because of technical issues does not bode well for the future. The government has shown it can't be trusted with sensitive data. Parents have every right to demand that their children's personal details are not put at risk."

Lord Laming, who chaired the Victoria Climbié inquiry, said ContactPoint would not replace the need for children's services organisations to ensure "effective working across teams, across services and agencies, including sharing information where this is appropriate". But he added: "In time I believe ContactPoint will be an important tool in supporting this practice, helping practitioners to know who else is working with a particular child, and therefore contributing to the armoury of measures that we need to support children's services in making sure children in England are safe and well."

Martin Narey, chief executive of Barnardo's, said: "Barnardo's is very supportive of ContactPoint and encouraged by the progress made. We believe that the directory will provide a quick way for authorised professionals to find out who else is working with a child; making it easier to deliver more coordinated and better services, and helping us better to identify children of particular vulnerability."

Wikipedia editors may approve all changes

via Latest news, sport, business, comment and reviews from the Guardian | guardian.co.uk by Bobbie Johnson on 1/26/09



Wikipedia faces a revolt among thousands of its contributors over proposals to change the way the online encyclopedia is run.

Until now, Wikipedia has allowed anybody to make instant changes to almost all of its 2.7m entries, with only a handful of entries protected from being altered.

But under proposals put forward by the website's co-founder Jimmy Wales, many future changes to the site would need to be approved by a group of editors before going live.

Wales argues the scheme will bring greater accuracy, particularly in articles referring to living people. But the possibility has caused a furore among Wikipedia users, since many see it as a fundamental change to the egalitarian nature of the site.

A user poll on the website suggests 60% are in favour of trials, which could take place within the next few weeks. But some think the split could ultimately threaten the future of the site.

"The big issue is that while we have majority support, we don't have consensus, and that's the way we have always made our decisions," said Jake Wartenberg. "A lot of editors are becoming disenchanted with the project; we are losing them all the time."

Such changes have been considered before, but were brought into focus last week when Wikipedia falsely announced that two prominent US politicians had died.

On the day of Barack Obama's inauguration, the site reported the deaths of West Virginia's Robert Byrd - the longest-serving senator in American history - and Ted Kennedy, who has been diagnosed with a brain tumour and collapsed during the inaugural lunch.

Both reports were false, and Wikipedia quickly changed the site back to reflect the truth, but the situation drove Wales to push strongly for change.

"This nonsense would have been 100% prevented by flagged revisions," he wrote on the site. "This was a breaking news story and we want people to be able to participate [but] we have a tool available now that is consistent with higher quality."

The technical system that allows Wikipedia to run in this way was released last summer and has already been put into place on the German version of the website. But German editors have decided that changes will not be approved for around three weeks - a timescale which Wales suggests would be "unacceptable" for the English-language site.

It would not be the first major change in the way the site, ranked as the world's seventh largest by traffic analysis tool Alexa, operates. In 2005, Wikipedia said it was going to prevent anonymous users from creating entries as a way of stopping cyber-bullying and vandalism.

That change was also spurred by a political controversy, in which prominent journalist and Democratic party aide John Siegenthaler discovered that an anonymous user had written a biography of him which alleged that he was involved in the assassinations of John and Robert Kennedy in the 1960s.

Wikipedia has also locked down a number of controversial articles in order to prevent long-running "edit wars".

If the site grants new powers to editors, it would bring Wikipedia even closer to traditional encyclopedia websites such as Britannica, which last week announced that it would be launching a new online version that would allow readers to submit their own updates to entries. That change came after a bitter war of words, following a 2005 study by science journal Nature that found Wikipedia and Britannica were often comparable for accuracy - and in some cases, Wikipedia won.

What is a Refinery?

Inside a maze of silver towers and pipes is a fascinating factory that changes hydrocarbon molecules to make gasoline.

A refinery is a factory. Just as a paper mill turns lumber into legal pads or a glassworks turns silica into stemware, a refinery takes a raw material--crude oil--and transforms it into gasoline and hundreds of other useful products.
A typical large refinery costs billions of dollars to build and millions more to maintain and upgrade. It runs around the clock 365 days a year, employs between 1,000 and 2,000 people and occupies as much land as several hundred football fields. It's so big and sprawling, in fact, that workers ride bicycles from one station to another.

In 1876, company pioneers used wagons and mules to haul two primitive stills to a spot near Pico Canyon, Calif., the site of California's first producing oil wells. The stills, each about the size of a garage, were used to heat oil at the prodigious rate of 25 to 40 barrels a day. This "oil boiling" produced kerosene, lubricants, waxes and gasoline--a clear, lightweight liquid that generally was discarded as a useless byproduct.
Gasoline's lowly status rose quickly after 1892, when Charles Duryea built the first U.S. gas-powered automobile. From then on, the light stuff from crude oil became the right stuff.
Today, some refineries can turn more than half of every 42-gallon barrel of crude oil into gasoline. That's a remarkable technological improvement from 70 years ago, when only 11 gallons of gasoline could be produced. How does this transformation take place? Essentially, refining breaks crude oil down into its various components, which then are selectively reconfigured into new products.
This process takes place inside a maze of hardware that one observer has likened to "a metal spaghetti factory." Employees regulate refinery operations from within highly automated control rooms. Because so much activity happens out of sight, refineries are surprisingly quiet places. The only sound most visitors hear is the constant, low hum of heavy equipment.
The complexity of this equipment varies from one refinery to the next. In general, the more sophisticated a refinery, the better its ability to upgrade crude oil into high-value products. Whether simple or complex, however, all refineries perform three basic steps: separation, conversion and treatment.

Modern separation--which is not terribly different from the "cooking" methods used at the Pico Canyon stills--involves piping oil through hot furnaces. The resulting liquids and vapors are discharged into distillation towers, the tall, narrow columns that give refineries their distinctive skylines.
Inside the towers, the liquids and vapors separate into components or fractions according to weight and boiling point. The lightest fractions, including gasoline and liquid petroleum gas (LPG), vaporize and rise to the top of the tower, where they condense back to liquids. Medium weight liquids, including kerosene and diesel oil distillates, stay in the middle. Heavier liquids, called gas oils, separate lower down, while the heaviest fractions with the highest boiling points settle at the bottom. These tarlike fractions, called residuum, are literally the "bottom of the barrel."
The fractions now are ready for piping to the next station or plant within the refinery. Some components require relatively little additional processing to become asphalt base or jet fuel. However, most molecules that are destined to become high-value products require much more processing.

Conversion: cracking and rearranging molecules to add value
This is where refining's fanciest footwork takes place--where fractions from the distillation towers are transformed into streams (intermediate components) that eventually become finished products. This also is where a refinery makes money, because only through conversion can most low-value fractions become gasoline.
The most widely used conversion method is called cracking because it uses heat and pressure to "crack" heavy hydrocarbon molecules into lighter ones. A cracking unit consists of one or more tall, thick-walled, bullet-shaped reactors and a network of furnaces, heat exchangers and other vessels.
Fluid catalytic cracking, or "cat cracking," is the basic gasoline-making process. Using intense heat (about 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit), low pressure and a powdered catalyst (a substance that accelerates chemical reactions), the cat cracker can convert most relatively heavy fractions into smaller gasoline molecules.
Hydrocracking applies the same principles but uses a different catalyst, slightly lower temperatures, much greater pressure and hydrogen to obtain chemical reactions.

Some refineries also have cokers, which use heat and moderate pressure to turn residuum into lighter products and a hard, coallike substance that is used as an industrial fuel. Cokers are among the more peculiar-looking refinery structures. They resemble a series of giant drums with metal derricks on top.
Cracking and coking are not the only forms of conversion. Other refinery processes, instead of splitting molecules, rearrange them to add value. Alkylation, for example, makes gasoline components by combining some of the gaseous byproducts of cracking. The process, which essentially is cracking in reverse, takes place in a series of large, horizontal vessels and tall, skinny towers that loom above other refinery structures.
Reforming uses heat, moderate pressure and catalysts to turn naphtha, a light, relatively low-value fraction, into high-octane gasoline components.

Treatment: the finishing touch
A major portion of refining involves blending, purifying, fine-tuning and otherwise improving products to meet these requirements.
Refinery technicians carefully combine a variety of streams from the processing units. Among the variables that determine the blend are octane level, vapor pressure ratings and special considerations, such as whether the gasoline will be used at high altitudes. Technicians also add performance additive, and dyes that distinguish the various grades of fuel.
Refining has come a long way since the oil boiling days of Pico Canyon. By the time a gallon of gasoline is pumped into a car's tank, it contains more than 200 hydrocarbons and additives. All that changing of molecules pays off in a product that ensures smooth, high-performance driving.

Of course these days, there are concerns about the environmental effects of petroleum based energy products. That is the topic of another post.

9 Things....

9 Things I Dislike

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where is yours?


2 People who are willing to get up to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.


3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Of course! What good is cake if you can't eat it?


4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No , I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor!


6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya baby?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.


8 When people say "life is short". What?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?


9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?


Have a wonderful day

Adios!