Thank you for staying with me thus far and encouraging me
with your comments and honest feedback.
If I choose to talk about every weird encounter I've had
on Facebook groups, I may be on this series to the end of the year, lol. I may
be many things, but I don't go out of my way to be boring. I'll tell the story
that actually sowed the seed for writing this series and rush to my conclusions
and recommendations.
I had joined a natural hair group. At the time, I was
transitioning but now I've made a final commitment. It's interesting to see how
devoted some are to the natural hair cause. My own wahala is that natural hair
eats better food than many of us - okra, sardine, tomatoes etc. Now, you can
stop wondering why food prices keep going higher, lol. Anyway, I wasn't that
active in the group but I used to check in periodically.
One day, a post from the group showed up in my newsfeed.
A lady posted about her "natural hair baby" that just died and she
included a picture of the lifeless baby. It kept showing up on my newsfeed and
I was pretty uncomfortable with it. Later, I saw another post where Admin were
explaining why they took down the post. I paid attention to that post; I was
expecting the reason to be that though the death of the child was a really sad
occurrence, the mother's post was inappropriate in the group (She could have
put it up on her personal wall, though. She could also have discussed with the
group's Admin and they could have put up a more appropriate post on her behalf
without the picture of the child's lifeless body). Instead, the reason for
taking it down was because of controversy that arose as a result of people
'liking' the morbid post.
I shook my head as I showed myself the way out of the
group. About a month later, I did a Big Chop (BC) and realised that I'll need
some support in my natural hair journey. I sent my friend a chat and came out
clean that I had left the group. She spent some time laughing at me as she told
me to put on my LASTMA cap.
Apparently, some Admin drama had taken place and the
other Admins had left the group for the founder of the group. I told her that
too many of these groups are founded by people who are frustrated and unhappy
about one thing or the other. That was when I decided to write this series. I'm
finally getting to the conclusion of the series.
I had to deal with some Admin drama in the group I am an
Admin in and thankfully, the lessons I learnt in Group 3 were helpful in
managing the crisis. It was sensational but I realised that it takes two to
tango.
I remember a post in one of the many groups were two
grown women - one married, one unmarried- spent the night insulting themselves
because the unmarried one referred to the married one's husband as an animal.
Erm, these were Christian women. I could tell you about a Christian woman who
claims that we are all Delilahs. I could tell you about Christian women who
have no qualms paying a doctor to carry out an abortion on an underage maid who
was raped by their husbands. I can tell you about the adventures of KNEEKEY2 as
a myth buster or dwell on the naughty post my friend started and which I
actively sustained to capture every grammatical error we found on and off
Facebook. I promised that the post would be an everlasting post; I'm glad to
say that I have let it go but (un)fortunately a Facebook page is now dedicated
to that cause, lol. I have learnt more about the Biblical position on marriage,
divorce and remarriage. I have been annoyed with countless posts that started
with "Is it a sin to ..." or "I'm a silent member of this group.
I've never commented or posted ..." (I'm still struggling to understand
the relevance of the 'silent member' line). I have seen people settle family
quarrels on group walls (smh!). Each of these themes require dedicated posts
and maybe, I'll get to it one of these days.
In conclusion, I'll say that I've seen the good, the bad
and the ugly side of Facebook groups. I still believe that Facebook groups
(particularly the Christian ones) have the potential for great good, if used
lawfully. The personal issues that some may be unable or too uncomfortable to
ask in church can be asked "Nicodemously". Same for prayer points.
There are timely posts that I get to read daily in my favorite group.
I have a few recommendations for Group leaders and
members. Please feel free to add yours and tag anyone you believe will benefit
from reading this.
1. Christian group leaders need to be sure that they are
truly led to start the group. God values human lives and it isn't wise to play
around with human lives because you're bored, angry or frustrated.
2. Group leaders need to be clear on what the group is
about and do as much as they can to ensure that the group's vision, mission,
objectives, code of conduct etc are concise and communicated to all.
One of the reasons I admire Group 2 is that while I was
there, they had a Pinned Post that stated the group's vision and objectives. It
also includes links to other important posts.
3. Group leaders should find opportunities to show that
they genuinely care about their members. They should also do all they can to
maintain their members' trust. Please get their permission before sharing
confidential details on the group wall. If you choose to share so that others
can provide counsel, please protect the identity of the poster.
4. Group leaders should please use the "Delete"
option wisely. Any post/comment that is clearly against the group's vision and
objectives should be deleted. Any post/comment that may not be what you
personally prefer but does not contravene the group's vision and objectives
should stay. You should be able to deal with contrary opinions, otherwise, you
really shouldn't be in charge of the group. However, rude/hate comments
shouldn't be tolerated in a bid to keep the peace.
5. The most organized groups I belong to require Admin
approval before posts can appear on the group wall. I believe that if we had
given ourselves that capability in Group 3, we could have ensured that no other
post would be approved during the Bible Study period and saved ourselves the
drama that followed.
6. If you have a group member that keeps putting up
posts/comments that are clearly against the group's vision and objectives, I
think there needs to come a time when you let such a person go (i.e, you remove
them from the group). Before you do that, though, I think you should try
discussing with them and be open-minded in your discussions. I think the option
of blocking posts from such an individual while the discussions are going on
should be used. If you can all come to an amicable way forward, please remember
to remove the block, lol.
7. Group leaders, please, please and please, avoid
monitoring your members on Facebook like the FBI/CIA. Please stop going on their
walls to check out what they are saying or not saying about your group. The
most ridiculous one I've seen is a case where someone was removed from Group A
because she made a comment in Group B about the characteristics of some groups
that put her off. She didn't even mention Group A yet the Admin felt slighted
enough by her comment IN ANOTHER GROUP! Smh!
8. Group leaders, please understand that your group
members are adults who are free to associate with whoever they choose to. They
are not duty-bound to fight your personal battles. Also, please respect their
time.
I heard of a case where a group member was given till
1pm, I think, on a week day to explain herself or face disciplinary actions. I
was wondering if she wasn't permitted to go to work/school because she belonged
to the group.
9. Group leaders, please do what you can to carry every
LEGITIMATE category of members in your group along. In some of the Christian
groups I travelled through, it appeared that the married ladies were superior
to the unmarried ones. I agree that marriage is honorable but I don't agree
that a married lady is superior to another because she has a ring. Then the
nonsense about those who are somehow more special because they had vaginal
births as opposed to those that required/opted for a C/S. Seriously, I can't
deal with all the funny ways in which women codedly compete with others...I
think Admin have a huge role to play in minimizing the power play.
Personally, as an Admin, I am not likely to approve a
post that suggests that vaginal birth is better than assisted births or one
that talks about God rolling away the shame of singlehood. Hian!
10. Please check with people before adding them to your
group. Sell the group to them; try to get them excited about the group before
adding them. It's great to have many members but it's greater to have members
who are actively engaged and blessed by the group.
11. People, please do me a favour - ask for and read the
Code of Conduct when you join or are added to a group. I respect those that ask
"What is this group about?" at the outset. Also, please spend some
time, about a month, to observe the group. If it isn't working for you, please
use the "Exit Group" option. If you're like me, you'll choose not to
be re-added to the group again.
I have tried with groups, though I was added by well
meaning friends who didn't seek my consent to a good number of these groups. My
waka-waka led me to a group called "Soar with XYZ". I left the group
the same day I was added. I was so sure that there was some withcraft involved
somehow.
This same person had added me to another group that has
something to do with motherhood. I already suspected that she was using groups
as her means of escape from whatever was making her unhappy as she seemed to
have a post in every hour (That's my suspicion for anyone that posts so
frequently but I know I have to dodge spears on that one, lol).
12. Please respect what the group is about. If you have
to ask if it is okay to post something in a group, it probably isn't. The good
news is that there is probably a group that is dedicated to whatever it is you
were going to post...I actually searched for and belong to groups dedicated to
Maths and Chemistry (I need therapy, right?) I even belong to one that captures
whatever they can about Nigerian history.
13. Please be respectful with your posts and comments.
Unfortunately, there are rude people and social media allows them to hide
behind their computers to spew nonsense. There is the strong desire resident in
all of us to crush the opposition. Your maturity is revealed by how measured
and calm you are in your response to such.
I remember how, as myth-busters, we invaded one of the
many "How to keep a man faithful" posts in Group 1. We kept going on
and on. The lady that put up the post tried to explain herself once and after
that, she chipped in every now and then with a funny comment. She turned it
around and earned my respect, though we do not agree on the role of a woman in
keeping a man faithful.
I had disagreements (in principle) with some others but
we quickly agreed to disagree and saved ourselves the headache/embarrassment
of staying awake all night to engage in silly internet fights.
14. If you feel hurt by any post/comment, use the
conflict resolution steps Jesus instituted.
A) Discuss it with the person that put up the post or
made the comment (preferably inbox). Be open-minded enough to get to the bottom
of the matter and to resolve the issue. Hopefully, you'll gain a
brother/sister.
B) If you are unable to resolve the issue, involve Admin.
Admin should do all they can to be objective and unbiased in their dealings.
Let everyone know what they did right/wrong and drive towards consensus.
C) If you are unable to reach consensus because someone
is unwilling to own up to their faults/errors, remove such a person from the
group (Sounds harsh right? Well, no be me talk am) Remember, though, that
everyone is dealing with one challenge or the other. It doesn't justify hurtful
behaviour but it explains it. However, if the handshake is extending beyond the
elbow, Facebook has features that can help you rid yourself of such persons...
15. Beware of getting caught up with "group
think". Have and own your personal convictions. It's great to be
open-minded but be careful so that your brains don't fall out. Any group that
you have to engage in evil to defend is not worth belonging to. If you have to
stop talking to someone to prove your loyalty to the group, there is a problem.
I have unfriended and even blocked some people because I,
Adenike, deemed it necessary for world peace but if I have to stop associating
with someone I have no personal problems with just to prove my loyalty to a
group, I'll be using the "Exit Group" option, thanks.
With these few points of mine, I hope I have been able to
convince you that there is value in belonging to sensible Facebook groups.
I can't round up without letting you all know how much I
detest Secret groups. The only 2 secret groups I belong to have justifiable
BUSINESS reasons why they are secret groups. Any time I get added to a secret
group, I QUICKLY leave the group. All that flashes in my head is "SECRET
CULT". Please, please and please, don't add me to secret group if there is
no business need for it. Thanks a lot.
Have a nice and productive day.
You can catch up on previous posts in the blog.
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