TALES FROM THE ROAD - THE SPONTANEOUS EDITION

AMA: Why we comot for road, come pass here? (a rough side of the road).
Driver: Hole full the road.
AMA (IN MY MIND): This place na highway, ba?
Torrrhhhh.
Oga Ambode and PMB, please shook eye for Oshodi-Apapa Expressway. Currently, it is a NATIONAL DISGRACE...While you're at it, the road that connects Olowora to Berger has a dangerous hole too. I don't know if it is a first-tier, second-tier or third-tier road; I just know that the missing drain cover there can lead to loss of lives. Please fix it. Tenkiu

Tales From The Road July 2015 Edition

So, I'm in this bus and we got to a bad patch of road. As usual, police are there doing their thing (whatever that is). Our bus driver refused to cooperate with the policeman so Oga police asked the bus driver for his driver's license (who has tried to get theirs in recent times? That's a series of post right there. I'll share my experience when I have the time). This driver obviously doesn't have a driver's license (note to self: Always ask for the driver's license before boarding a commercial vehicle...Wish me all the best, lol).

So, Mr. Driver sits in his bus after a failed argument with Oga Police. Oga Police has walked away at this time. A wicked thought that I almost voiced was "Mr. Driver, go and give Oga Police what he wants na so you can save our time"...I immediately begin to bind and cast down the thought, considering the magic wand that "change agents" are waving to make corruption a thing of the past...

As we sat there for about 3 minutes, one aunty like that sitting on the row before mine was the first to voice out...

Aunty: Oga, abeg go down go follow Oga Police talk na. You're wasting our time.

AMA (in my mind): Which kain parable is this aunty speaking? How should Mr. Driver "talk" to Oga Police na? Didn't you see that they couldn't reach an agreement?

At that point, one Uncle on the same row as Aunty adds his voice.

Uncle: Oga, go and give Oga Police what he wants joor and let's leave this place.

AMA (in my mind): Now the parable is getting clearer.

Mr. Driver went to Oga Police to "talk". Maybe he found his driver's license on the ground on his way to Oga Police. All I know is that somehow, he and Oga Police were able to resolve their differences and we were allowed to move. I forgot to ask Mr. Driver for his driver's license when I was alighting. I was too annoyed with where he made his "last bus stop"...

This monster called corruption sha...

Anyway, I saw one building like that where the share prices of companies like Tantalizers, Transcorp etc were displayed. I assume it's the floor of the Nigerian Stock Exchange in Lagos? Nice building, appalling surroundings...

In other news, the BRT fare from CMS to Lekki/Ikate/Jakande used to be 100 Naira, now it's 150 Naira. Why na? Which kain change be dis?

#‎TalesFromTheRoad

Welcome to my world.

Church Fables

A friend told me this story about the lack of empathy that she got from her church members. She eventually left the church, though for other reasons.

According to her, she lost her dad and her sister in quick succession. After a few months of not hearing from church “brethren”, the few that eventually spoke with her told her that the family had suffered such challenges because she hadn’t been faithful with her tithes and seeds. I am not sure how they arrived at the conclusion because I don’t believe they had records.

When I was going through a particular challenge, some well-meaning people kept telling me that my seed would speak for me. I believed it for a while until God helped me with a brain reset. I think that is what is at the root of some of the insensitive comments that come from church folk. There is the general notion that if you are dealing with a challenge, it is always because you have done something wrong.

As I listened to Pastor Yemisi Ashimolowo saying that Jesus’ disciples were in the right place YET the storm came, my brain reset became 100% complete. Lol.

I also remember a time I had to go with other teachers from the Children’s church to visit a family that lost their son. My jaw dropped as one of the teachers told the parents that they had to suck it up and just accept the fact that their son was dead. I felt like making her become dumb. The boy’s father just looked at us without saying anything. I kept praying that the man’s faith was not damaged by the insensitive words from the “comforter”.

IN SEARCH OF PIZZA

I had been craving Pizza for about a week. I had asked a colleague to help me order from Domino's Pizza and she asked me to remind her. Of course, I kept forgetting to remind her.

 

I had made a spur of the moment decision to get to the supermarket during my lunch break. Some colleagues were going that way so I hitched a ride. As we got to the estate, it occurred to me that I could get to Domino's Pizza and pick up the pizza myself. My colleague dropped me off at the Supermarket. Those ones had only transparent carrier bags for items purchased. The lady finally backed down and gave me 2 of those bags when I started warming up for trouble, lol.

 

I asked someone where Domino's Pizza is and she described the location to me. It didn't seem to far to walk to. That's how I started my journey ooo. I kept going and going. At some point, I decided to peep into Facebook. It was for a brief minute.

 

When the walk seemed like it would last forever, I decided to ask some other people. They told me that I had walked past the place. Ah! How could that have happened? They advised that I could take a bus back to the place. It was a good idea as I had a meeting immediately after my lunch break.

 

As I alighted from the bus, I realised that I missed the place when I peeped into Facebook for a minute. These kinds of things only happen to Kneekey2, lol.

 

As I crossed over and was hurrying to the place, a colleague stopped by an offered me a ride back to the office. I thanked her and told her that I still had some business to attend to.

 

I got into Domino's Pizza and placed my order. I was told that I had to wait for 10 minutes. Omo, see effizzy. They have a screen that gives you a status report of your order. The thing was tripping me fa. I don belleful before I chop sef. I noticed that the name of the lady before me was a Nigerian name, though she resemble Oyinbo.

 

As I was waiting, one of my ex-colleagues went past and we exchanged pleasantries. After some time, a guy that went to the same University as I did and whom I met through a mutual friend came to me and asked if I remembered him. It took me a while to remember him but I finally got there.

 

As I settled back in, "Oyinbo" then asked me "What do you do? It's like you know everyone on the block". I smiled and explained to her that the first lady was an ex-colleague and the guy & I went to the same University. I decided to take a few slices of the Pizza there so we had time to properly introduce ourselves and discover that we both attended Federal Government Girls' Colleges. I asked her if she was a half-caste and she told me that she prefers "mixed"...Ooops!

 

I'll like to make a passionate appeal to business owners that they should please consider their customers when choosing their packaging. The supermarket had transparent carrier bags and Domino's Pizza didn't have carrier bags for my take-away order. I was expected to go around town carrying my Domino's Pizza for all to see. I know it's free advertising for you but I'm not sure it makes your customer happy.

 

The attendant found me a small carrier bag that had Domino's Pizza logo (so they still got some free advertising) that I managed to fit my order in. Apart from the carrier bag issue, I can tell you it was worth the 'wahala'.

 

Welcome to My World!

Tales From the Road - The Fuel Scarcity Edition

Good morning people. E ku fuel scarcity ooo. God will help us. Meanwhile, if the success of your business involves ripping off others and causing them to groan, your approach to business is WRONG. If you don't repent, your judgment will start on the second to the Last Day and you go get plenty explanation to give...Dazall!

 

Anyway, I left home this morning by faith. I told myself that if I no see bus, I will jejely protest by "trekking" back to my bed from the sitting room; hehehehe. As usual, God met me on the road as I took the step of faith. I got a ride from someone that lives around and was driving to wherever he was driving to.

We introduced ourselves and I'm sure you know what our discussion was about - fuel scarcity. Of course, he tried to lay the blame on President Jonathan. I told him that GEJ did not originate the subsidy idea, mind you. It was General Obasanjo that started it. He talked about round-tripping and I admitted that the weak regulatory framework makes it possible. Also, it is crazy to expect NNPC to regulate itself. As we got to where I was to alight, we both agreed that General Buhari is not the Messiah that Nigeria needs (neither is it Amadioha, lol). We also agreed that APC is not changing anything but recycling the same people that led us to where we currently are. Me, I'm looking to Jesus to take the wheel because if I act based on what I see, I will move to Gambia. God will help us...

 

As I got to the park to get a bus, I met some guys fighting. No one was calling passengers anywhere. I had a conversation with my legs and moved forward. I wanted to risk the BRT terminal which I had abandoned when I found a reasonable alternative.

 

As I was heading there, I heard someone saying "Obalende, Obalende". I asked him where the bus was and I joined the bus. It was also a LagBus but it wasn't in the regular park. The bus was almost empty but I decided to just sit there and wait. Slowly but surely, passengers started filling the bus. At some point, the man beside me was happy he decided to jettison the long queue at the BRT terminal to join this Obalende bus. I didn't say anything to him (That's how some guys concluded I was "Sister Mary" when I didn't say a word while they were gisting in one bus like that and maybe some other guys thought I was a secret agent when I didn't say a word while they were arguing in a tricycle I boarded...Oh, the power of silence, lol).

 

As the journey progressed and our bus was stopping at each bus stop to pick passengers for "standing", the same guy that was jubilating about his decision to join our bus instead of queueing at the BRT park began to tell nobody in particular about the virtues of the buses at the BRT park. I still can't believe I kept a straight face. Typical Nigerian!

 

I hope Sai Baba realises that the same people that worshipped Christ and sang "Hossana" during His triumphant entry into Jerusalem were the ones that cried to Pilate to "Crucify Him". I can't wait for May 29. We will pray but we will watch also. We will not switch off our brains and trust the politicians to do the right thing.

 

I will remember President Jonathan for his agricultural reforms, the Almajiri schools he built, the signing of the National Content Act, the signing of the Violence Against Persons Act, the revival of the rail system etc. I celebrate him for that phone call to concede defeat; it was a gallant effort on his part. You may not like the man but (un)fortunately, you cannot take his legacies away from him. I will also remember Dame Patience Jonathan and her interesting speeches. So long, President Jonathan, I pray you go on to do greater things. We can have only president at a time but we cannot have too many great men.

 

In other news, I have a question for Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala. If truly, part of the debt being owed by the FG was owed by previous governments, which debt was forgiven in 2007 when President Obasanjo, Dr Okonjo-Iweala and their crew waved "Debt Relief" as part of the achievements of THAT government...Hmmmm

 

My other question is to no one in particular. Where did all the people driving cars that are causing this traffic jam I'm in get fuel?

 

kneekey2.blogspot.com

THE ROOT CAUSE OF MARRYING "POTENTIAL"

I was busy minding my own business (okay I checked other people's profiles too, lol) when I saw the silly notification from Facebook about people who commented on a "Top post" in a group I rarely check out. I joined the group so I'll get a few laughs on a really slow Facebook day (interestingly, I don't think of the group even on a slow day, lol). Anyway, I decided to look at the "Top post". Lo and behold, it was THE post. "Which one is "THE post" again?", you may ask. I'll gladly answer the question.

 

THE post is the reason why some ladies are married to broke guys whose "potential" has not yielded any positive dividend in the past 16 years of democracy. I can't remember if I ever got a forwarded email with "THE post" when forwarded annoying emails were the "in-thing". I think I first read "THE post" when I was in Group 1. I'm not sure which is more hilarious - "THE post" itself or the way my fellow "Myth Busters" and I took "THE post" apart...

 

Here's "THE post"

***********************************

A Guy who has no job got married to a banker,despite his fears and several advices that it's not good to marry without a job. Every month the girl would give the guy her full salary of GHc1,500 after removing her tithe. The guy would give the wife GHc250 for personal upkeep and the guy determined what happened to the remaining money. This happened for 3 good years. There was happiness in the family and the wife never refused to do her primary home duties for that 3 years, despite wrong advice from friends that 'you can't be paying the bills and still be doing all the work'. There was a particular month the guy used about GHc900 to travel from region to region for different interviews.

He finally got a job with a good firm. His salary was GHc8,000 monthly 4 a start. He bought his first car (a brand new) for GHc60,000 he gave the wife the car key,& continued to take public transport to work for about 2 years. Then he bought the 2nd car for GHc80,000 took the keys of the first car & gave his wife the keys of the 2nd car. They eventually moved into their own house after few years. One day, the wife was looking for some. documents. She stumbled on a file neatly hidden, when she opened it, she saw her wedding picture when she was very slim in the first page of the file. She then saw that the document the purchase of the land and every other thing in the house were all written in her name! At the last page was the husband's wedding picture and a note written by him:

''MY WIFE IS ALL I HAVE GOT. NOT EVEN THIS HOUSE WORTH GHc280,000 AT THE TIME I BUILT IS MINE'' .Tears started to roll down her eyes.This couple got married in 1998.

 

Last Sunday was their wedding anniversary with 3 children. True LOVE still exists till this day. Are you sure the love you have for your partner can be compared to this one you just read?

No matter what remember you chose each other. It doesn't matter who puts food on the table or who pays the bills. Always know, NO CONDITION IS PERMANENT.

 

Have a Blessed weekend.

***********************************

 

Seriously? Why do I feel the man thinks he did the banker "girl" a favour by marrying her? Then what's with the woman submitting all her salary except her tithe to the man (she for join the tithe na, lol)? Which book, chapter and verse of the Bible asks women to submit their salary to their husbands? Did Sarah do it? Deborah nko? What of the Proverbs 31 woman? If so, where did she get the money to buy the field she considered?

 

Uncle will spend GHc 1100 and give aunty GHc 250 for her upkeep. I just can't deal...I know it's a broke, lazy "potential" merchant that wrote this lie, erm testimony.

 

The part that had me hysterical was the line about her paying all the bills yet doing all the house chores. My simple question is "WHAT WAS THE MAN DOING WITH HIS FREE TIME?"

 

If I know my Maths correctly, the wife gave Uncle Husband GHc 39600 (I haven't calculated how much she might have earned if she had invested it). The first return she got was a GHc 60000 depreciating asset/liability. Mr Husband used seven and a half months worth of salary to buy a depreciating asset to show his appreciation for the GHc 39600 she invested in him for 3 years with hard labour. I question the financial intelligence of both man and wife. How did she end up as a banker sef? I won't want her as my banker, lol.

 

We haven't even talked about the risk involved in this "investment" (Mr. "Potential", Madam is truly expecting her GHc 60,000 car, then the GHc 80,000 car and finally the GHc 280,000 worth of property; it's eventually about the money, lol). Statistically, only FEW men remember the woman who stood by them when times were hard. I can recount horrendous tales of men whose school fees were paid by women who were eventually discarded. If we're talking in terms of risk, the likelihood of getting the outcome described in "THE post" is slim. I can already see a man with an oversized ego and I don't believe this story is true. I think it is the figment of someone's imagination. When I first saw this post about 3 years ago, they celebrated their wedding anniversary "last Sunday with 3 kids". It is still the same this year...Hmmmm

 

If you, Ms Banker, are still going ahead to marry Mr. Potential because of "THE post", please don't mind Kneekey2. She talks too much...Just don't say you weren't warned when you're still waiting after 25 years for your GHc 60,000 or GHc 80,000 car OR your GHc 280,000 properties...

 

Meanwhile, let me face money-making ventures...Have a blessed and productive day.

My Little Friend

I woke up with a BANGING headache! I had made a mental note to take some aspirin yesterday but I managed to forget. I couldn't read anything!

 

I managed to get up, put something in my stomach and take the aspirin. I rested as much as I could, though I had to ensure that Li'l Madam was adequately taken care of. I was reliably informed that she was conducting the music and dance steps in "Angelina Ballerina" and I can hear her singing along with whoever is singing on TV, lol.

 

Anyway, I had to go out to do some critical business and buy some foodstuff. As I was heading out, I heard my little friend's voice.

"I want to come to your house"

I begged her to let me come back from where I was going and she reluctantly agreed.

 

I went out to do my business and I actually took longer than I planned. I was soo looking forward to coming back to lie down. As I got back into the compound, my little friend quickly bolted out and followed me. I was trying to tell her to go back home and get permission from her mum but she refused to listen to me.

 

Just as I was about to resign to my fate and let her into our house, I heard someone come out of their apartment. It was her elder sister! She says that their mum wanted to have a word with my little friend. My little friend fought tooth and nail but was unable to free herself from Big Sister's grip. I quickly went into our apartment, lol. I'll have to go and get her as soon as I have enough energy for 2 princesses. Whew!

 

Welcome to my world