Tales From The Road - The Fuel Pump Price Reduction Edition

Hello friends. Happy New Year.

I guess it's no longer news that the Federal Government has magnaminously given us the New Year gift of the reduction of fuel prices by an unprecedented amount of 50 kobo - 1 Naira (depending on whether you're buying from a NNPC station or from independent marketers). The subsidy removal that led us to #OccupyNigeria has finally happened and everyone is busy occupying the front row of their sitting rooms, lol. Seriously, I guess the best time to do away with subsidy payment is now that global oil prices are really low. I still need some explanation, though, on what happens to the ~ 1.4 Naira/litre difference between the Expected Open Market Price (EOMP) and the retail price that is purportedly remitted to the Petroleum Support Fund (PSF) as "negative subsidy". How transparent is this fund? How are we sure that it won't be looted?

Also, I need someone to please explain how the FG can remove subsidy and still regulate pump prices. I'll have thought that deregulation would be the next step after subsidy removal. This price-fixing stifles competition and the end user gets the short end of the stick na. Abi?

Well, let me now enter my gist. As I was heading to church, the first bus I entered was trying to charge me twice the normal fare. It didn't even occur to me to ask why. I sharply alighted from the bus and went to the next bus that charged the correct fare.

As I was heading home, the "conductor" of the first bus decided to fight a passenger that didn't pay the complete fare while holding ALL the money he had in his hands. Thankfully, that passenger was not a criminal. When he returned to the bus, the rest of us jokingly pointed out to him that he was penny wise and pound foolish, lol.

The driver of the second bus I entered told me the trip would cost 10 Naira more than the regular fare. I asked the driver why considering the fact that pump prices had been reduced. He claimed that it was hard getting fuel from the filling stations. Someone quickly told him that's a lie (how true is that?). One of the passengers then said "It's just 10 Naira difference na". I quickly retorted that that's how we encourage the tyranny of the bus drivers...I insisted I was going to pay what I considered a fair price...

As the bus moved, the lady that had spoken earlier greeted me. She turned out to be a friend I made while I was in secondary (high) school. No, I wasn't sorry I spoke up...It's not like she PSID my fare sef...

One bros in the bus was just blowing "fone". He was telling the driver not to run the traffic light...Thankfully, the driver listened to him that time.

As I alighted from the bus, I gave the driver what I believed was the fair price. He claimed he had asked me to come down if I couldn't pay his price. It was a bare-faced lie. I thought of insisting on my own way but I realised it was getting dark quickly. Rather than being penny wise, pound foolish, I decided to add the 10 Naira and get away from there as quickly as possible.

I'm just wondering why transport fares keep increasing whenever there is a change (positive or negative) in pump prices. Who will save us from the tyranny of the bus drivers that determine transport fares without following any particular logic? I think the transportation sector needs price-fixing more than the petroleum sector. Abi?

Welcome to my world...

Tales From The Road - Bank Runs

Long time friends...

I lost my ATM over the weekend so I decided to just block the card and link the account to the second ATM card I have from the same bank. I also had another transaction to do in the bank. I thought I'll just breeze in and out of the bank...Err, WRONG! I spent about one and a half hours on this matter...

I got to the 'bank' (which I noticed for the first time TODAY is actually a Quick Service Point, QSP) and met a queue. I gritted my teeth, quickly asked for relevant forms and joined the queue. I filled the forms while waiting. I noticed that one dude was trying to do some 'kurukere' and jump the queue. I quickly put on my 'War against Indiscipline' look and warned him to join the queue (that move ALWAYS backfires but do you think Kneekey2 listened to the inner voice of reason that told me to chill out? You guessed right...No, she didn't...). As I was waiting for my turn, I realised that my colleague was also in the bank. He drove so I asked him to please wait for me. So, I was gingered to finish quickly.

The bros aiming to jump the queue told me his transaction was a quick one; I told him mine was shorter. I eventually got attended to before him. As I was waiting for my transactions to be concluded, I heard someone call me by my maiden name. Lo and behold, I saw my old school mate whom I hadn't seen in 11 years. As we 'caught up' across the hall, she reminded me that it's been 11 years and I realised that kneekey2 is now an 'Agba', lol.

The customer care lady told me she had blocked my lost card but that I needed to get to another branch (the main bank in the area) to link my account. In 2015? I was just weak and I decided to leave without making a scene as my colleague was waiting for me. I quickly got my old school friend's number.

I got to the car park and began to search for my colleague..."I yahoo yahoo, no one, no one; I gmailed gmailed, no one, no one, I facebooked, facebooked, no one, no one; there was no one like him", lol. The bros trying to jump the queue came out and was laughing at me. He even offered me a ride...See why I need to stop all these my WAI moves...it didn't worth it, lol.

Since I couldn't find my colleague, I decided to get to the main branch. The description I was given seemed straightforward enough...Err, WRONG AGAIN...I joined a bus and asked for the landmark I was given at the QSP when the bus conductor didn't seem to know about a second branch of the bank (that should have been my cue but did kneekey2 take the cue? You guessed right again).

The kind man in the bus that knew where the main branch was showed me where to alight. He pointed to the landmark and told me that the branch was OPPOSITE the landmark. To be fair to him, he said something about taking a bike but I wondered why I needed a bike when the bank was OPPOSITE the landmark. So, kneekey2 decided to take a quick stroll. And that's how I kept going...and going...and going. I got to a point and I had to ask where the branch was. Plain and unadulterated wickedness fa. The branch was located too far from the landmark to be described as being OPPOSITE the landmark. After travelling about a quarter of the Israelite journey (okay 1/20 is truer, lol), I FINALLY found the branch. I wonder why I had to go to such an obscure location just to link my account to an existing ATM card...Nigerian banks be insensitive to their customers since nineteen kpidirim...

Finally, I got to this branch and met a queue...Ha! Again? So I went to one of the customer care reps that was kinda sitting apart and asked if she could attend to me as I had come from far, like the wise men, just to link my account. Thankfully, the lady asked me to wait for her to finish attending to the person she was talking to when I got in. It turned out that she was the only one that could attend to me in the entire branch. Sigh. She looked familiar. We traced our entire backgrounds and we still couldn't establish why she looked familiar...Then she gave me a form that I just filled at the QSP and I lamented that I filled a similar form earlier. She asked why they didn't deal with my request at the QSP. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, lol. While waiting for the nice lady to complete my transaction, one of the other customers claimed that he would share a testimony as he came to XX bank and for the first time EVER, he didn't have to queue. Hahahaha.

As I headed back, I could see the expressway but there was this wire mesh between where I was and the expressway. I asked one of the guys around if there was an opening that I could go through to get to the expressway. He told me there was but I couldn't bend through it. I told him I could bend...So, he gave me directions. When I got to the 'opening', I saw his point. The 'opening' was at the bottom of the mesh. I had to ask the guy that came through how Herod it. He said I essentially had to slide through the opening. Considering how things had gone so far, I knew attempting to glide through would be disastrous for me. So, I advised myself and used the 'long-cut', lol.

That's how I joined a bus going to the bus stop I'm supposed to be familiar with. The route the driver used is one I'm not familiar with. I think the bus was going at 1 km/hr, lol. The conductor kept talking about a 'ram bacteria' bus stop. I was wondering what was going on in the mind of whoever named the bus stop...Finally, one of the passengers said he wanted to alight at 'raw material' bus stop...Raw material, ram bacteria...Same difference...Who names these bus stops? Smh!

Finally, after only one and a half hours, I concluded my 'walk in the park' bank runs.

Welcome to my world....

Tales From The Road - The Preacher's Tales

Good morning my people. I have come again as I usually come.

 

I initially thought of joining a BRT bus since they go through Ikorodu Road but the CMS wahala discouraged me. So I decided to get a bus straight from the park going to Lekki/Ajah. Besides, there's always gist at the park.

 

As I got to the park, I found a half-filled bus and squeezed my long legs in one "angle 90" position like that. As more passengers joined us, one slim young lady in a denim top sat in the seat directly in front of me. I heaved a sigh of relief as things could have been a lot worse, lol.

 

I got busy Facebooking but soon, I started hearing raised voices. I think my fine sisi in a denim had given the guy collecting money maybe 1000 Naira and was asking for "change" (her balance). Somehow, that degenerated to a quarrel. Fine sisi said something that must have really upset the guy. The guy then asked her if she asked for change when she was doing 'work'.

 

That forced me to take a real look at Fine Sisi. Erm, she did look like she had gone for 'work'. As I sat there judging her and thinking of how to spin this story, the Holy Spirit began His work in my heart. He reminded me of the fact that my duty is to preach the gospel and leave the business of convicting the world of sin to Him. My, was I humbled?

 

So, I led the bus in worship and prayed. I've been praying for Fine Sisi since then. This Kneekey2 is now humble. That doesn't stop me from saying, though, that men will still address you by how you dress and that's there's always room at the Cross for one more sinner who's ready to come home...

 

It's the beginning of a new week. Have a blessed and productive day. 

Tales From The Road - Back To School Edition

Hello everyone. It's been a while. Sorry for the break in transmission.

I decided to stay back and get Little Madam to school before going to work today. I thought I'll chat with important persons before heading to work.

 

She didn't go to bed early so she wasn't too pleased to be woken up from her "beauty" sleep. I thought all her crying was because she was dreading going back to school. As soon as she was properly dressed, she immediately told us "bye" and was heading out. Please don't ask me who this pikin resemble, "it wasn't me", lol.

 

As we headed out, I decided to opt out of the back-to-school arrangement as I may be late for my 10am meeting if I continue with them. Little Madam didn't even tell me goodbye; she's too excited about returning to school. Sigh!

 

As I got to the park, I met the same Baba who is a garage tout trading insults with yet another (elderly) passenger. I wonder what the fight was about this time. The insults ehn...

 

The elderly passenger fighting says the Baba's brain is as tall as Baba's height (which is SHORT). One other passenger says that touting is an apprenticeship that no one ever graduates from. He asked if anyone has ever been invited to the graduation ceremony of a tout. Kai! Human beings get mouth sha. I think that sobered up Baba today...

 

Baba came around to collect our fare. I paid him for three and the fourth passenger on the row paid him. Then he's still pointing in our direction asking "Owo da nbe yen?" ("Where is your money?") to no one in particular. It is well, even in the well...

 

This traffic jam ehn...

 

Thankfully I got to work a bit after 10am and still had to remind others about the meeting. Smh!

 

Anyway, it's the beginning of a new week. Have a blessed and productive day. 

TALES FROM THE ROAD - THE SPONTANEOUS EDITION

AMA: Why we comot for road, come pass here? (a rough side of the road).
Driver: Hole full the road.
AMA (IN MY MIND): This place na highway, ba?
Torrrhhhh.
Oga Ambode and PMB, please shook eye for Oshodi-Apapa Expressway. Currently, it is a NATIONAL DISGRACE...While you're at it, the road that connects Olowora to Berger has a dangerous hole too. I don't know if it is a first-tier, second-tier or third-tier road; I just know that the missing drain cover there can lead to loss of lives. Please fix it. Tenkiu

Tales From The Road July 2015 Edition

So, I'm in this bus and we got to a bad patch of road. As usual, police are there doing their thing (whatever that is). Our bus driver refused to cooperate with the policeman so Oga police asked the bus driver for his driver's license (who has tried to get theirs in recent times? That's a series of post right there. I'll share my experience when I have the time). This driver obviously doesn't have a driver's license (note to self: Always ask for the driver's license before boarding a commercial vehicle...Wish me all the best, lol).

So, Mr. Driver sits in his bus after a failed argument with Oga Police. Oga Police has walked away at this time. A wicked thought that I almost voiced was "Mr. Driver, go and give Oga Police what he wants na so you can save our time"...I immediately begin to bind and cast down the thought, considering the magic wand that "change agents" are waving to make corruption a thing of the past...

As we sat there for about 3 minutes, one aunty like that sitting on the row before mine was the first to voice out...

Aunty: Oga, abeg go down go follow Oga Police talk na. You're wasting our time.

AMA (in my mind): Which kain parable is this aunty speaking? How should Mr. Driver "talk" to Oga Police na? Didn't you see that they couldn't reach an agreement?

At that point, one Uncle on the same row as Aunty adds his voice.

Uncle: Oga, go and give Oga Police what he wants joor and let's leave this place.

AMA (in my mind): Now the parable is getting clearer.

Mr. Driver went to Oga Police to "talk". Maybe he found his driver's license on the ground on his way to Oga Police. All I know is that somehow, he and Oga Police were able to resolve their differences and we were allowed to move. I forgot to ask Mr. Driver for his driver's license when I was alighting. I was too annoyed with where he made his "last bus stop"...

This monster called corruption sha...

Anyway, I saw one building like that where the share prices of companies like Tantalizers, Transcorp etc were displayed. I assume it's the floor of the Nigerian Stock Exchange in Lagos? Nice building, appalling surroundings...

In other news, the BRT fare from CMS to Lekki/Ikate/Jakande used to be 100 Naira, now it's 150 Naira. Why na? Which kain change be dis?

#‎TalesFromTheRoad

Welcome to my world.

Tales From The Road - Week 4

Good day people. Sorry for the long break in transmission. I hope I stay on track this time but we'll see...

 

School resumes today so I stayed back so I could go with Li'l Madam to school and see the Head Teacher to catch up. As we were heading out, there was talk of how the people in the other street had power supply but we didn't have, did our transformer trip? bla bla bla. All that just reminded me of my mum and the close monitoring she gives PHCN... Seriously, why is the focus on the fact that others have power supply and YOU don't have? Shouldn't you be focusing on YOUR lack of power supply and allow your neighbour enjoy his/her power supply?  I asked if we were sure that we were connected to the same line as the street in question and that power wasn't restored after we left the house. As amazing as it sounds, it turns out that power was restored after we left the house. 

 

As I was heading out of the estate, it appears all the bike men had a meeting and decided not to pick me up. Me, I no know wetin I do them but diaris God sha. As I was trekking in places where I should have been riding, I just decided to greet people on my way. I saw an old woman standing at her gate looking like she was searching for someone. I greeted her and wow, she flashed such a beautiful smile. She greeted me, wished me a beautiful day and much more.

 

I smiled and continued my trek. When I looked back after a few steps, I saw that she had closed the gate and gone back in. Then it occurred to me that maybe all she was looking for was the human touch #LonelyHearts.

 

The bike men still refused to pick me up. Finally, one bike man had mercy on me and picked me up. As we were approaching my drop-off point, the guy pulled some dangerous stunts and I screamed at him (when it was safe to do so). Maybe that's why the bike men have all ganged up against me? Lol. When he dropped me off, I spent a few seconds to apologise for screaming and to advise him to calm down before he kills himself. Whew!

 

I got to the garage and observed people queuing. Even the buses seemed better arranged. I saw one guy with a NURTW vest that had his branch and unit sef. Na ID card and badge remain. E be like say this "Change" sontin no be play ooo. E be like say even PHCN sef dey fear small small. Hehehehe. I even heard that it's "Change" that is helping the Naira behave better. May we all be jubilating about this "Change" in 4 years time, in Jesus' Name.

 

Now I'm in the bus with a lady who is making incessant phone calls. I think her office apartment is burning. Eh yah! I pray the fire is quenched quickly. I think I need to share some Fire Safety tips sef.

 

Now, there is a dude 'not selling' stuff in the bus I'm in. He started with Queen's English, now we've moved to pure "Waffi"...He claims he's creating public awareness. He's giving 4 years warranty for his drug - no typhoid or malaria. Now, he's damaging the esteem of men with erectile dysfunction and telling them they're not men. Smh! E be like say the thing affect some men sha.

 

He is making some sense sha, giving possible reasons for erectile dysfunction.

1. Too much sugar from beer, soft drinks etc

2. Having sexual relations with a woman that is menstruating.  

 

Erm, I wonder what else those that are actually selling stuff actually do.

Now, he's talking about "knacking" and how he lasted for 1 hour. According to him, no matter what a man does for a woman, if "knacking" is not involved, the woman will just be spending his money. Uhm...As usual, it's a 'gbogbonise' that cures malaria, typhoid, erectile dysfunction, pile, vaginal discharge, high BP, waist pain,  etc. It can even be used for abortion...It is well...

 

As I came off the vehicle, one dude asked if I won't buy for "Oga" and another one replied him that "Oga" doesn't need it. One dude had already concluded that I'm a "Holy Mary". I wonder if someone put a stamp on my forehead as it seems like a constant tag; I didn't even open my mouth to say anything. It is well ooo...

 

Anyway, it's the beginning of a new week. Have a blessed and productive day.

Lagos on a Monday – Public Transport Stories Week 3

Our Lagos on a Monday – Public Transport Stories continues. Please search for Weeks 1 and 2 on the blog.

 

I had some business to attend to so I left home a little later. There were 2 women with kids in the "Keke" (tricycle) I boarded out of the Estate. One of the ladies was holding an infant. It appears that they had agreed with the driver to take them to exactly where they were going. Apparently, because I was in the "Keke", the driver asked them to come off at the junction so he could get me to where I was going. That would have meant an unplanned walk for the women with the kids. I quickly asked the driver to drop me off instead and take the ladies to where they were going. Even if I sound somehow, I can tell you that the decision felt GOOD! Lol.

I quickly found a vehicle to get me to my destination in no time...

 

As I was in the bus heading to toll gate, we found ourselves in one weird traffic jam like that. The driver started honking at the LASTMA officials that were trying to maintain order. A woman in the bus advised the driver to stop honking as the LASTMA official could misinterpret and keep us waiting for long (typical response for people from her part of the country, fear fear, lol). Thankfully, the reverse happened in our case. The honking pressured the LASTMA officials into 'passing' us.

 

The 'conductor' (I don't know the proper title) was already showing signs of being a trouble maker. So, I asked him to give me my "change" (balance) before I'll pay him, though I showed him my 500 Naira. He made some noise asking me to give him the money before demanding for the balance. The ride continued smoothly for a while then I remembered that I hadn't paid my fare. I reminded the conductor and we started our squabble all over again. I was quite irritated at the judgment of some passengers.

 

"Just give him the money and he'll give you change, you sef like trouble", they 'counseled'. Of course, I did no such thing...I finally alighted and the conductor wanted to make a scene. I did small 'shakara', though I was praying internally that things won't turn ugly. After telling the conductor that I was not hurrying anywhere and with the intervention of others, he gave me the balance and I paid him.

One of the two male passengers that came down to give the conductor some moral support apparently didn't see my wedding ring. He claimed that my attitude was the reason why I was unmarried. I quickly showed him my ring and he was lost for words...Seriously, that was the worst insult he could think of? Shaking my head!

 

The rest of the journey was uneventful thankfully (?)

 

Enjoy the week ahead!

Tales From The Road

I had to sort out a few things at home so I'm still on the road. This dude in the bus I'm riding in is talking with someone on the phone and he claims to be on Third Mainland Bridge. I didn't know there was a filling (gas) station on Third Mainland Bridge. Smh!

Then I reminded the "conductor" about my balance when we were TRULY on Third Mainland Bridge (surrounded by water and with no bus stop). He asked me if I wanted to alight there. Then I asked him if I would jump into the water if I alighted there...Smh!

And then, there is the dude on the phone quarelling with whoever was at the other end. He is just giving us too much information. Why do people feel comfortable divulging personal information in public places? Smh!

Enjoy your day…

Lagos on a Monday – Public Transport Stories Week 2

Good day people.

Our public transport adventures continue today. As usual, I am typing this in a commercial bus on Third Mainland Bridge.

As I stepped out this morning, I saw 2 guys that were acting suspiciously. I greeted them and they didn't respond. Ah! I quickly intensified my walk. At some point, I felt one of them was trying to catch up with me so I walked even faster. I eventually met up with a crowd and all was clear. I think I've seen too many thrillers, what do you think? Lol.

Anyway, I got to Berger with no drama except for a man that was either half-asleep or drunk that we almost hit. My mum will say that it seems someone told him that the stuff in cars that causes injury has been removed. Thankfully, the driver saw him in time and avoided hitting him.

The driver was moving the vehicle and looking back at the half-asleep/drunk dude. I quickly told the driver to 'face front'. It struck me that that's how some people live their lives stuck in their past and though they appear to be making progress, their hearts/minds are cluttered.

As I got to Berger, I realised that the evil hole in the sidewalk has increased to 3 with nothing to protect unsuspecting pedestrians...It is well ooo.

I'll be happy to report to the appropriate authorities if I knew how to.

I got to the BRT terminal and found an ungodly queue. If I waited there, I suspected that I would spend nothing less than 3 hours before I could board a bus. I quickly advised myself and boarded a yellow bus instead. The bus I boarded charged 150 Naira instead of 100 Naira, just like the problematic one I joined last week. I warned the driver and conductor that they would face the same problems but they ignored the words of the "Prophetess"...Lol.

As we journeyed on Third Mainland Bridge, the vehicle suddenly stopped just as the "Prophetess" said (oya drop your offering, lol). Seriously, I realised that I had spoken carelessly and I quickly asked for forgiveness and asked for mercy. Not long after, the bus came back to life and we continued our journey. I am closer now to the office than when I first began...I shall use my "Prophetess" power to pray that the appropriate authorities will wake up and close the holes in the sidewalk on the way to the BRT terminal at Berger...I can't believe no one has fallen into any of them yet. I can tell you, though, that if nothing is done urgently, someone will fall in and seriously injure themselves...I hope our "responsive" government will address this. I feel even more passionate about it as I see a poster of someone promising a clean and secure environment! Please fix the deep holes in our walkway...Thanks.

Enjoy the day...

Lagos on a Monday – Public Transport Stories

Good day people.

I usually have to travel on Mondays using the public transport system and today was not an exception. You want to know why? We can talk about that privately. As I was riding, I decided to start blogging about it. I hope you enjoy my stories. As weird as they sound, they are actually true. I’ll be using the hashtag #LagosOnAMonday

I set out a little later than normal today as I had to confirm that I was really good to go so I was already running late as I went. As I approached the bus stop, I saw my former regular ‘Keke’ (Tricycle) driver. I was going to join him but I found a bike. I hope to blog about the interesting episodes I had with that Baba sometime.

 Anyway, I got to the major bus stop without drama and found that the regular buses I join were not available. So, I had to break my journey. I didn’t even consider boarding a BRT bus because I am utterly disappointed in the flagrant disrespect of time by the BRT operators. I finally boarded the bus that inspired the post. The driver insisted that the fare was 150 Naira. One man joined us and started complaining about how the fare should have been 100 Naira. We finally settled on the 150 Naira. As the journey progressed, we met some passengers that also protested the fare but they eventually left the matter. As we continued the journey, the driver tried to cram 5 people in a row. We protested and won that battle, lol.

As we continued the journey, I gave the ad-hoc “conductor” a 1000 Naira bill for 4 people. I asked him to give me 600 Naira (a 500 Naira bill and a 100 Naira bill) as I give him a 200 Naira bill. The 500 Naira bills and 100 Naira bills are easier to get than the 200 Naira bills. The dude didn’t get it! I still don’t get how he didn’t get it but he just did not! Smh!

Then, the bus started acting up. Some dudes had joined the bus after the bus they were in developed a fault. I began to wonder if those people were the bad luck sef *looking at them one kain*. Anyway, I sent a quick prayer up to God to help us because I didn’t want to be standing on Third Mainland Bridge looking for a bus when I was already one hour late. Thankfully, God heard the prayer and the bus finally behaved. As we got to Obalende, the bus driver went through a more annoying route just to drop off his adhoc “conductor”. Apparently some of the guys that joined us from the other bus were royally pissed off. One of them even prayed for (or is it cursed?) the driver that God will delay his progress the way the driver delayed us. You go fear prayer na. As usual, the driver had stopped off at a filling station to fill his tank AFTER picking up passengers. Any sensible reason why these guys do that? Smh!

As I alighted from that bus and was going to get a bus to my final destination, I caught a bus driver checking himself out in a mirror and touching up his ‘make-up’. I know it seems weird but I saw it with my own eyes, lol.

I boarded a bus and as I brought out my money to pay, one aunty practically snatched the money from my hand to help me pay the fare. I almost said something nasty but I figured out she was just being helpful. I thanked her instead. I’ve got to ask, though, WHY DO LADIES FIX CLAWS AND CALL THEM NAILS? The lady couldn’t even ping well…It is well…

Then I got to my drop-off point and nearly forgot my 50 Naira “change” (It’s not the political one oo, lol). I quickly reminded him and used it when I paid my ‘Keke’ fare to the final destination.

Stay tuned for another #LagosOnAMonday post next week, by God’s grace.

Have a pleasurable day.