Tales From The Road - Back To School Edition

Hello everyone. It's been a while. Sorry for the break in transmission.

I decided to stay back and get Little Madam to school before going to work today. I thought I'll chat with important persons before heading to work.

 

She didn't go to bed early so she wasn't too pleased to be woken up from her "beauty" sleep. I thought all her crying was because she was dreading going back to school. As soon as she was properly dressed, she immediately told us "bye" and was heading out. Please don't ask me who this pikin resemble, "it wasn't me", lol.

 

As we headed out, I decided to opt out of the back-to-school arrangement as I may be late for my 10am meeting if I continue with them. Little Madam didn't even tell me goodbye; she's too excited about returning to school. Sigh!

 

As I got to the park, I met the same Baba who is a garage tout trading insults with yet another (elderly) passenger. I wonder what the fight was about this time. The insults ehn...

 

The elderly passenger fighting says the Baba's brain is as tall as Baba's height (which is SHORT). One other passenger says that touting is an apprenticeship that no one ever graduates from. He asked if anyone has ever been invited to the graduation ceremony of a tout. Kai! Human beings get mouth sha. I think that sobered up Baba today...

 

Baba came around to collect our fare. I paid him for three and the fourth passenger on the row paid him. Then he's still pointing in our direction asking "Owo da nbe yen?" ("Where is your money?") to no one in particular. It is well, even in the well...

 

This traffic jam ehn...

 

Thankfully I got to work a bit after 10am and still had to remind others about the meeting. Smh!

 

Anyway, it's the beginning of a new week. Have a blessed and productive day. 

AMAZING HUMANS OF FACEBOOK - DEBUT

One of the people on Facebook who have been working tirelessly to minister "sense" to lost brains put up the picture below and asked the "real" women to show up...Of course, most of the women that showed up admitted that they're "fake". When the "real women" showed up, I realised that there is need for more labourers in the ministry of restoring "sense" to lost brains...
One "real" woman claims that cheating is not the worst thing to happen in a mar...riage...You sabi AMA na...I asked...

"If cheating isn't the worst thing to happen in a marriage, what is? (I'm just curious oooo)."
Another "real" woman (RW2) responded with
RW2 had commented with "...Some people are dealing with worst things. What about living with unrepentant cheaters? That rub it on their spouse faces. How many in this group have access to their hubby's phones? How many can come out and say their hubby is faithful to them. Lets be real here some have not slept with their hubby for over one year..."
This AMA sha! I haff tayad for her. She still used my data to ask RW2 the JAMB question below...
"If a man is bringing his pregnant side chic for his main chic to kiss her belly, is he a "repentant cheater"? It's an innocent question oooo."
RW2 responded with
"The picture did not say he brought the woman for her to kiss her belly! It could also be that she is the one that went to them."
This AMA still went on to use my data to respond to RW2
"Nothing in the picture suggests that he is repentant; a "repentant cheater" will be the one begging the main chic."
You people should warn AMA oooo, she is just wasting my data upandan...
This is my final answer to the "kweshion" after asking the audience, using 50/50 and phoning a friend...
"Personally, cheating AND abuse are my 2 "deal breakers"...When either (or both) are present, it's time to take a critical look at the marriage/relationship and decide if it's worth continuing..."
I trust your weekend is going well...

Welcome to my world...

The husband is the head, the wife is the neck". SAYS WHO?

And I just saw one of my most detested quotes again today..."The husband is the head, the wife is the neck". SAYS WHO?
Please, chapter what, verse what of what book of the Bible makes the woman the neck or any body part? If God intended to make the woman the neck, He would have said so!
There are two reasons why my soul abhors this statement. First of all, manipulative Jezebels use this statement to control their husbands. According to them, the head turns wherever the neck ...turns. See wickedness! If God needed the woman to be in charge, HE WOULD HAVE SAID SO!
Secondly, wicked people use this statement to hold a woman responsible for a man's (in)actions and absolve him of responsibility for such (in)actions. You'll hear nonsenses about how the man strayed because the 'neck' did not turn him in the right direction. This is plain wickedness...
If you, as a man, believe your wife is the neck and you hand over your responsibility to her, you can ask Adam, Abraham and Ahab how that worked out for them. And if you, Madam, believe you're the neck, and you usurp your husband's authority in the process, you can ask Eve, Sarah and Jezebel how that ended for them.
Anyway, AMA, how doth it consign thee? Face your lane joor...
Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

TALES FROM THE ROAD - THE SPONTANEOUS EDITION

AMA: Why we comot for road, come pass here? (a rough side of the road).
Driver: Hole full the road.
AMA (IN MY MIND): This place na highway, ba?
Torrrhhhh.
Oga Ambode and PMB, please shook eye for Oshodi-Apapa Expressway. Currently, it is a NATIONAL DISGRACE...While you're at it, the road that connects Olowora to Berger has a dangerous hole too. I don't know if it is a first-tier, second-tier or third-tier road; I just know that the missing drain cover there can lead to loss of lives. Please fix it. Tenkiu

Tales From The Road July 2015 Edition

So, I'm in this bus and we got to a bad patch of road. As usual, police are there doing their thing (whatever that is). Our bus driver refused to cooperate with the policeman so Oga police asked the bus driver for his driver's license (who has tried to get theirs in recent times? That's a series of post right there. I'll share my experience when I have the time). This driver obviously doesn't have a driver's license (note to self: Always ask for the driver's license before boarding a commercial vehicle...Wish me all the best, lol).

So, Mr. Driver sits in his bus after a failed argument with Oga Police. Oga Police has walked away at this time. A wicked thought that I almost voiced was "Mr. Driver, go and give Oga Police what he wants na so you can save our time"...I immediately begin to bind and cast down the thought, considering the magic wand that "change agents" are waving to make corruption a thing of the past...

As we sat there for about 3 minutes, one aunty like that sitting on the row before mine was the first to voice out...

Aunty: Oga, abeg go down go follow Oga Police talk na. You're wasting our time.

AMA (in my mind): Which kain parable is this aunty speaking? How should Mr. Driver "talk" to Oga Police na? Didn't you see that they couldn't reach an agreement?

At that point, one Uncle on the same row as Aunty adds his voice.

Uncle: Oga, go and give Oga Police what he wants joor and let's leave this place.

AMA (in my mind): Now the parable is getting clearer.

Mr. Driver went to Oga Police to "talk". Maybe he found his driver's license on the ground on his way to Oga Police. All I know is that somehow, he and Oga Police were able to resolve their differences and we were allowed to move. I forgot to ask Mr. Driver for his driver's license when I was alighting. I was too annoyed with where he made his "last bus stop"...

This monster called corruption sha...

Anyway, I saw one building like that where the share prices of companies like Tantalizers, Transcorp etc were displayed. I assume it's the floor of the Nigerian Stock Exchange in Lagos? Nice building, appalling surroundings...

In other news, the BRT fare from CMS to Lekki/Ikate/Jakande used to be 100 Naira, now it's 150 Naira. Why na? Which kain change be dis?

#‎TalesFromTheRoad

Welcome to my world.

Church Fables

A friend told me this story about the lack of empathy that she got from her church members. She eventually left the church, though for other reasons.

According to her, she lost her dad and her sister in quick succession. After a few months of not hearing from church “brethren”, the few that eventually spoke with her told her that the family had suffered such challenges because she hadn’t been faithful with her tithes and seeds. I am not sure how they arrived at the conclusion because I don’t believe they had records.

When I was going through a particular challenge, some well-meaning people kept telling me that my seed would speak for me. I believed it for a while until God helped me with a brain reset. I think that is what is at the root of some of the insensitive comments that come from church folk. There is the general notion that if you are dealing with a challenge, it is always because you have done something wrong.

As I listened to Pastor Yemisi Ashimolowo saying that Jesus’ disciples were in the right place YET the storm came, my brain reset became 100% complete. Lol.

I also remember a time I had to go with other teachers from the Children’s church to visit a family that lost their son. My jaw dropped as one of the teachers told the parents that they had to suck it up and just accept the fact that their son was dead. I felt like making her become dumb. The boy’s father just looked at us without saying anything. I kept praying that the man’s faith was not damaged by the insensitive words from the “comforter”.

IN SEARCH OF PIZZA

I had been craving Pizza for about a week. I had asked a colleague to help me order from Domino's Pizza and she asked me to remind her. Of course, I kept forgetting to remind her.

 

I had made a spur of the moment decision to get to the supermarket during my lunch break. Some colleagues were going that way so I hitched a ride. As we got to the estate, it occurred to me that I could get to Domino's Pizza and pick up the pizza myself. My colleague dropped me off at the Supermarket. Those ones had only transparent carrier bags for items purchased. The lady finally backed down and gave me 2 of those bags when I started warming up for trouble, lol.

 

I asked someone where Domino's Pizza is and she described the location to me. It didn't seem to far to walk to. That's how I started my journey ooo. I kept going and going. At some point, I decided to peep into Facebook. It was for a brief minute.

 

When the walk seemed like it would last forever, I decided to ask some other people. They told me that I had walked past the place. Ah! How could that have happened? They advised that I could take a bus back to the place. It was a good idea as I had a meeting immediately after my lunch break.

 

As I alighted from the bus, I realised that I missed the place when I peeped into Facebook for a minute. These kinds of things only happen to Kneekey2, lol.

 

As I crossed over and was hurrying to the place, a colleague stopped by an offered me a ride back to the office. I thanked her and told her that I still had some business to attend to.

 

I got into Domino's Pizza and placed my order. I was told that I had to wait for 10 minutes. Omo, see effizzy. They have a screen that gives you a status report of your order. The thing was tripping me fa. I don belleful before I chop sef. I noticed that the name of the lady before me was a Nigerian name, though she resemble Oyinbo.

 

As I was waiting, one of my ex-colleagues went past and we exchanged pleasantries. After some time, a guy that went to the same University as I did and whom I met through a mutual friend came to me and asked if I remembered him. It took me a while to remember him but I finally got there.

 

As I settled back in, "Oyinbo" then asked me "What do you do? It's like you know everyone on the block". I smiled and explained to her that the first lady was an ex-colleague and the guy & I went to the same University. I decided to take a few slices of the Pizza there so we had time to properly introduce ourselves and discover that we both attended Federal Government Girls' Colleges. I asked her if she was a half-caste and she told me that she prefers "mixed"...Ooops!

 

I'll like to make a passionate appeal to business owners that they should please consider their customers when choosing their packaging. The supermarket had transparent carrier bags and Domino's Pizza didn't have carrier bags for my take-away order. I was expected to go around town carrying my Domino's Pizza for all to see. I know it's free advertising for you but I'm not sure it makes your customer happy.

 

The attendant found me a small carrier bag that had Domino's Pizza logo (so they still got some free advertising) that I managed to fit my order in. Apart from the carrier bag issue, I can tell you it was worth the 'wahala'.

 

Welcome to My World!