Tales From The Road - Bank Runs

Long time friends...

I lost my ATM over the weekend so I decided to just block the card and link the account to the second ATM card I have from the same bank. I also had another transaction to do in the bank. I thought I'll just breeze in and out of the bank...Err, WRONG! I spent about one and a half hours on this matter...

I got to the 'bank' (which I noticed for the first time TODAY is actually a Quick Service Point, QSP) and met a queue. I gritted my teeth, quickly asked for relevant forms and joined the queue. I filled the forms while waiting. I noticed that one dude was trying to do some 'kurukere' and jump the queue. I quickly put on my 'War against Indiscipline' look and warned him to join the queue (that move ALWAYS backfires but do you think Kneekey2 listened to the inner voice of reason that told me to chill out? You guessed right...No, she didn't...). As I was waiting for my turn, I realised that my colleague was also in the bank. He drove so I asked him to please wait for me. So, I was gingered to finish quickly.

The bros aiming to jump the queue told me his transaction was a quick one; I told him mine was shorter. I eventually got attended to before him. As I was waiting for my transactions to be concluded, I heard someone call me by my maiden name. Lo and behold, I saw my old school mate whom I hadn't seen in 11 years. As we 'caught up' across the hall, she reminded me that it's been 11 years and I realised that kneekey2 is now an 'Agba', lol.

The customer care lady told me she had blocked my lost card but that I needed to get to another branch (the main bank in the area) to link my account. In 2015? I was just weak and I decided to leave without making a scene as my colleague was waiting for me. I quickly got my old school friend's number.

I got to the car park and began to search for my colleague..."I yahoo yahoo, no one, no one; I gmailed gmailed, no one, no one, I facebooked, facebooked, no one, no one; there was no one like him", lol. The bros trying to jump the queue came out and was laughing at me. He even offered me a ride...See why I need to stop all these my WAI moves...it didn't worth it, lol.

Since I couldn't find my colleague, I decided to get to the main branch. The description I was given seemed straightforward enough...Err, WRONG AGAIN...I joined a bus and asked for the landmark I was given at the QSP when the bus conductor didn't seem to know about a second branch of the bank (that should have been my cue but did kneekey2 take the cue? You guessed right again).

The kind man in the bus that knew where the main branch was showed me where to alight. He pointed to the landmark and told me that the branch was OPPOSITE the landmark. To be fair to him, he said something about taking a bike but I wondered why I needed a bike when the bank was OPPOSITE the landmark. So, kneekey2 decided to take a quick stroll. And that's how I kept going...and going...and going. I got to a point and I had to ask where the branch was. Plain and unadulterated wickedness fa. The branch was located too far from the landmark to be described as being OPPOSITE the landmark. After travelling about a quarter of the Israelite journey (okay 1/20 is truer, lol), I FINALLY found the branch. I wonder why I had to go to such an obscure location just to link my account to an existing ATM card...Nigerian banks be insensitive to their customers since nineteen kpidirim...

Finally, I got to this branch and met a queue...Ha! Again? So I went to one of the customer care reps that was kinda sitting apart and asked if she could attend to me as I had come from far, like the wise men, just to link my account. Thankfully, the lady asked me to wait for her to finish attending to the person she was talking to when I got in. It turned out that she was the only one that could attend to me in the entire branch. Sigh. She looked familiar. We traced our entire backgrounds and we still couldn't establish why she looked familiar...Then she gave me a form that I just filled at the QSP and I lamented that I filled a similar form earlier. She asked why they didn't deal with my request at the QSP. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, lol. While waiting for the nice lady to complete my transaction, one of the other customers claimed that he would share a testimony as he came to XX bank and for the first time EVER, he didn't have to queue. Hahahaha.

As I headed back, I could see the expressway but there was this wire mesh between where I was and the expressway. I asked one of the guys around if there was an opening that I could go through to get to the expressway. He told me there was but I couldn't bend through it. I told him I could bend...So, he gave me directions. When I got to the 'opening', I saw his point. The 'opening' was at the bottom of the mesh. I had to ask the guy that came through how Herod it. He said I essentially had to slide through the opening. Considering how things had gone so far, I knew attempting to glide through would be disastrous for me. So, I advised myself and used the 'long-cut', lol.

That's how I joined a bus going to the bus stop I'm supposed to be familiar with. The route the driver used is one I'm not familiar with. I think the bus was going at 1 km/hr, lol. The conductor kept talking about a 'ram bacteria' bus stop. I was wondering what was going on in the mind of whoever named the bus stop...Finally, one of the passengers said he wanted to alight at 'raw material' bus stop...Raw material, ram bacteria...Same difference...Who names these bus stops? Smh!

Finally, after only one and a half hours, I concluded my 'walk in the park' bank runs.

Welcome to my world....