Tuesday, April 21, 2015

The Adventures of KNEEKEY2 on Facebook Groups (2)


In Group 2, I noticed that a lot of the ladies kept using the term 'LJ'.  I asked them what 'LJ' meant and I was told that 'LJ' was an abbreviation for 'Life Jacket', an endearment for their husbands. That didn't make a lot of sense to me as someone who knows quite a lot about Life Jackets. I put up a post asking what the correlation between husbands and Life Jackets is. I had asked my husband what he thought about husbands as Life Jackets and he was just as blank as I was...Anyway, it seems I hit a nerve with many of these women. That's when I confirmed that there are some women in this day and age who are devoted faithfuls to the idols called "Marriage" and "Ignorance"! I was so relieved when Admin deleted my post as I was feeling too stubborn to delete the post myself!

That marked my journey as a silent member of the group until I finally left the group.

I also remember a post that Admin had put up asking members to cut out writing in native languages without translating and to stop using mindless abbreviations. The point with the native language was that there were people in the group that couldn't follow conversations as the comments in the native languages were getting in the way.  The complaints from the members stunned me. And there was more push back from those of a particular tribe that parades itself as being more civilized than others. I think I started learning to comprehend textspeak as a result of my membership of that group. It's amusing that there were dozens of posts that I may have liked to contribute to but I just didn't comprehend!

 

I have to say that I respect the conduct of the Admin of Group 2...I follow the page; I can't handle the drama from group members, though.

 

A couple of friends from Group 1 came together and started Group 3. I was invited to join Group 3 and before long, I found myself as an Admin (I actually told them I was a half-Admin and I finally chose to divide my "half-Admin" powers with my triplet sister, lol). I believe Group 3 deserves a post of its own too as the drama encountered is enough to get one or two movies produced, lol.

The Adventures of KNEEKEY2 on Facebook Groups (1)


Good day people.

 

I signed up on Facebook in 2008. My aim was to blog on Facebook, then I found out that it was a great Birthday reminder. Soon enough, I found out that I could get my daily devotional from a Facebook page I stumbled on. It is an Open group and I didn't join the group for a few months, though I visited daily to read my devotional.

 

Soon enough, a well-meaning friend added me to a 'Christian women' group. According to her, she said she thought I could benefit from the quarterly prayer sessions, though she didn't tell me then why she added me. Once in a while, I'll see some posts in my Newsfeed (usually posts by my friends or posts on which my friends had commented on). Most of the posts I saw had women bickering and all but I generally watched from a distance.

 

I remember a post that was analyzing the 'romantic' story of a soldier that went to war and returned to meet his love waiting for him. The comments were HILARIOUS! I realised that there were women out there just like me, who could pick holes in the silly posts we see around. So, I started paying more attention to the group.

 

I remember a post about a woman whose husband was a wife-batterer. She claimed she had learned how to make her marriage work by basically becoming dumb, dressing up in bum(p) sho(r)ts and shutting out those that could potentially help her. The most hilarious part for me was that in her 10 point advice, "Put God first" was #10. And we were expected to take her serious! I must have seen that post about 10 times before I left the group.

 

I think I need to devote a post or two to that particular group as it was a case of one day, one trouble in the group. I actually left that group TWICE and went silent for a while in-between. I learnt great things, met great people and had fun. I even contested for a non-vacant position. Unfortunately, a few real relationships suffered as a result of my addiction to the group. That was one reason why I left the group. The other reason I left was that the group became directionless at some point. Just like in the day of the judges, everyone did as they pleased while the group administrators looked on helplessly. I learnt they've implemented Admin controls now but the feedback I'm getting is that it is too little, too late...

 

There was some drama that ground the group for about a week. In my opinion, Admin took a rash and high-handed decision. Only the main actors know the actual details of what happened. I heard stories and counter-stories. Anyway, it prompted me to look for another group. One of the friends I made in Group 1 added me to Group 2 - a fantastic group that I reluctantly left. I follow their page till date.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Tales From The Road - Week 4


Good day people. Sorry for the long break in transmission. I hope I stay on track this time but we'll see...

 

School resumes today so I stayed back so I could go with Li'l Madam to school and see the Head Teacher to catch up. As we were heading out, there was talk of how the people in the other street had power supply but we didn't have, did our transformer trip? bla bla bla. All that just reminded me of my mum and the close monitoring she gives PHCN... Seriously, why is the focus on the fact that others have power supply and YOU don't have? Shouldn't you be focusing on YOUR lack of power supply and allow your neighbour enjoy his/her power supply?  I asked if we were sure that we were connected to the same line as the street in question and that power wasn't restored after we left the house. As amazing as it sounds, it turns out that power was restored after we left the house. 

 

As I was heading out of the estate, it appears all the bike men had a meeting and decided not to pick me up. Me, I no know wetin I do them but diaris God sha. As I was trekking in places where I should have been riding, I just decided to greet people on my way. I saw an old woman standing at her gate looking like she was searching for someone. I greeted her and wow, she flashed such a beautiful smile. She greeted me, wished me a beautiful day and much more.

 

I smiled and continued my trek. When I looked back after a few steps, I saw that she had closed the gate and gone back in. Then it occurred to me that maybe all she was looking for was the human touch #LonelyHearts.

 

The bike men still refused to pick me up. Finally, one bike man had mercy on me and picked me up. As we were approaching my drop-off point, the guy pulled some dangerous stunts and I screamed at him (when it was safe to do so). Maybe that's why the bike men have all ganged up against me? Lol. When he dropped me off, I spent a few seconds to apologise for screaming and to advise him to calm down before he kills himself. Whew!

 

I got to the garage and observed people queuing. Even the buses seemed better arranged. I saw one guy with a NURTW vest that had his branch and unit sef. Na ID card and badge remain. E be like say this "Change" sontin no be play ooo. E be like say even PHCN sef dey fear small small. Hehehehe. I even heard that it's "Change" that is helping the Naira behave better. May we all be jubilating about this "Change" in 4 years time, in Jesus' Name.

 

Now I'm in the bus with a lady who is making incessant phone calls. I think her office apartment is burning. Eh yah! I pray the fire is quenched quickly. I think I need to share some Fire Safety tips sef.

 

Now, there is a dude 'not selling' stuff in the bus I'm in. He started with Queen's English, now we've moved to pure "Waffi"...He claims he's creating public awareness. He's giving 4 years warranty for his drug - no typhoid or malaria. Now, he's damaging the esteem of men with erectile dysfunction and telling them they're not men. Smh! E be like say the thing affect some men sha.

 

He is making some sense sha, giving possible reasons for erectile dysfunction.

1. Too much sugar from beer, soft drinks etc

2. Having sexual relations with a woman that is menstruating.  

 

Erm, I wonder what else those that are actually selling stuff actually do.

Now, he's talking about "knacking" and how he lasted for 1 hour. According to him, no matter what a man does for a woman, if "knacking" is not involved, the woman will just be spending his money. Uhm...As usual, it's a 'gbogbonise' that cures malaria, typhoid, erectile dysfunction, pile, vaginal discharge, high BP, waist pain,  etc. It can even be used for abortion...It is well...

 

As I came off the vehicle, one dude asked if I won't buy for "Oga" and another one replied him that "Oga" doesn't need it. One dude had already concluded that I'm a "Holy Mary". I wonder if someone put a stamp on my forehead as it seems like a constant tag; I didn't even open my mouth to say anything. It is well ooo...

 

Anyway, it's the beginning of a new week. Have a blessed and productive day.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

BUHARI‬'S 100-DAY 10-POINT PLEDGE

PRESIDENT-ELECT MUHAMMADU ‪#‎BUHARI‬'S 100-DAY 10-POINT PLEDGE
(Beginning May 29, 2015).
1. CORRUPTION & GOVERNANCE
I pledge to:
Publicly declare my assets and liabilities.
Encourage all my appointees to publicly declare their assets and liabilities as a pre-condition for appointment. All political appointees will only earn the salaries and allowances determined by the Revenue Mobilization and Fiscal Allocation Commission (RMFAC).
Personal leadership in the war against corruption.
Inaugurate the National Council on Procurement as stipulated in the Procurement Act. The Federal Executive Council, which has been turned to a weekly session of contract bazaar, will concentrate on its principal function of policy making.
Review and implement audit recommendations by Nigeria Extractive Industries Transparency Initiative including those on remittances and remediation.
Work with the National Assembly towards the immediate enactment of a Whistle Blower Act
Work with the National Assembly to strengthen ICPC and EFCC by guaranteeing institutional autonomy including financial and prosecutorial independence and security of tenure of officials. Make the Financial Intelligence Unit of the EFCC autonomous and operational.
Encourage proactive disclosure of information by government institutions in the spirit of the Freedom of Information Act.
Ensure all MDAs and parastatals regularly comply with their accountability responsibilities to Nigerians through the National Assembly.
All political officer holders earn only the salaries and emoluments determined and approved by the Revenue Mobilization and Fiscal Commission RMFAC.
Work with the leadership of the National Assembly and the Judiciary to cut down the cost of governance.
I will present a National Anti corruption Strategy
2. INSURGENCY & INSECURITY
I have had the rare privilege of serving my country in the military in various capacities and rose to become a Major General and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces. I defended the territorial integrity of our nation.
I pledge to:
As Commander-in-Chief, lead from the front and not behind in the comfort and security of Aso Rock to boost the morale of fighting forces and the generality of all Nigerians.
Give especial attention to the welfare of our armed forces and their families; lost heroes and their families and the victims of insurgency.
Boost the morale of the men and women in the field by public recognition of their efforts through memorabilia, stamps, statues, regular rotation, regular payment of allowances, regular communication between the men and officers of security agencies, provision of best health care and housing for families of deceased comrades.
I will present a marshal plan to the nation that will combat insurgency, ethnic and religious violence, kidnapping and rural banditry.
Provide the best and appropriate military and other materials the country needs to combat insurgency, ethnic and religious violence, kidnapping and rural banditry.
Establish personal relationship with governors of the affected states by insurgency, with leaders of the countries in the region and with leaders around the world to coordinate efforts to combat insurgency, oil theft, piracy and criminality.
Restore confidence in the bilateral and multilateral partnerships in addressing insurgency including procurements.
Activate regular meetings of the National Police Council to ensure the discharge of its true constitutional role in a transparent and accountable way.
As a father, I feel the pain of the victims of insurgency, kidnapping and violence whether they are the widows and orphans of military, paramilitary, civilians and parents or the Chibok girls. My government shall act decisively on any actionable intelligence to ‪#‎BringBackOurGirls‬
3. NIGER DELTA
I pledge to:
Restore the integrity of the Niger Delta by implementing relevant sections of the Ledum Technical Committee on human capital development, resource management and distribution, governance and rule of law, reclamation and environmental and sustainable development.
Commit myself and my administration to the phased implementation of the United Nations Environment Program’s(UNEP) recommendations on Ogoniland.
Unveil a marshal plan for the regenerative development of the Niger Delta.
4. DIVERSITY
Diversity refers to the inherent complexities of the variations in the social fabric of a people. Elements of poorly managed diversities include absence of cohesion, low capacity or political will to address resulting tensions, weak institutions of the state, in-equalities in every facet, impunity, breakdown of mutual trust, rising incidences of violence and total breakdown of law and order. To quickly reverse this observable trend in our society:
I pledge to:
Continually acknowledge and consciously equality and equity in all government businesses and activities.
Implement the National Gender Policy including 35% of appointive positions for women.
Work with National Assembly to pass a National Disability Bill, which I shall immediately assent, into Law.
Immediately charge relevant MDAs to implement new building codes to ensure that people with disability have easier access.
I will lead the campaign for restoration of mutual trust and cohesion for nation building, while also working with the National Assembly to make appropriation to strengthen institutions and platforms promoting dialogue and inclusion.
I will promote amendment to the provisions of section 14:3 of the Constitution to give effect to the expansion of the scope of representation to include women and persons with disabilities.
Work with National Assembly to pass the National Disability Act and the Equal Opportunities Bill.
5. HEALTH
I pledge to:
Implement the National Health Act 2014,which guarantees financial sustainability to the health sector and minimum basic health care for all and ban medical tourism by government officials.
Launch special programme to improve availability of water and sanitation.
Review occupational health laws and immediately commence enforcement of the provisions to reduce hazards in the work place.
Unveil a health sector review policy to ensure the efficient and effective management of our health systems.
Mobilize the health workforce needed for the all-round implementation of our primary health programmes for rural communities.
6. AGRICULTURE
I pledge to:
Make pronouncement to make agriculture a major focus of the government and lay the institutional foundation to attract large-scale investments and capital into the agricultural infrastructural sector
Launch a massive agricultural infrastructural investments plan that will focus on production, transportation infrastructure and marketing logistics across Nigeria
Launch a massive, well-coordinated and innovatively funded Youth in Commercial Agribusiness Programme.
Establish agricultural produce pricing and marketing mechanism and institutions
Work with State and Local Governments to launch Agricultural Support Programmes that will drive state level massive agricultural land development and mechanization agenda
Revamp, revitalize and continuous improvement on the national agricultural extension and rural support service system
Initiate a holistic project aimed at promoting and securing access of standardized agricultural products to both local and international markets
Lay the groundwork for a standardized market uptake and aggregation outlets for specific agricultural produce
Initiate a comprehensive revamp of key development banks (Bank of Agriculture, Bank of Industry and Nigeria Import & Export Bank) operations to fund inclusive agricultural value chain operations
Lay the groundwork for an ambitious, massive, seamless, accessible single-digit agricultural value-chain finance programme
Initiate the process to appropriately liberalise and expand agricultural and rural insurance system with premium subventions support to farmers
Revamp the agricultural cooperative system to drive rural agriculture and improves stakes for smallholder farmers
Launch appropriate tariff rectification instrument to support import-export anomalies.
7. MANAGEMENT OF THE ECONOMY & PROSPERITY
Every Nigerian deserves to benefit from the running of our collective resources. We promise not to leave any Nigerian behind in our determination to create, expand and ensure equitable and effective allocation of economic opportunities. No matter the amount of funds we generate, unless there is an efficient and effective utilization, it will only create few billionaires. Unless we fight corruption, the economy will only benefit the greedy in our society.
I pledge to:
Work with the legislature to strengthen constitutional provisions to make the meetings of the National Economic Council more periodic and predictable and its decisions more binding.
Present annual report on the state of the economy to the National Assembly and the Nigerian People.
The Preparation of Medium Term Expenditure Framework (MTEF) and annual Budget will be guided by job creation projections.
Negotiate rule-based oil revenue management process, and adopt a rule based excess crude account management process, which will entail a fixed percentage (e.g. 10% or 20%) of oil revenue each year, and also set clear rules about where the proceeds will be domiciled, when the savings can be used, by whom, and what the savings can be used for.
Work with the National Assembly to adopt a rule based, realistic and predictable oil benchmark as a basis for a more transparent management of federation account revenue and excess crude account.
Launch a Small Business Loan Guarantee Scheme in partnership with Commercial Lenders to improve access to finance for SMEs.
Automate the business registration process to ensure sole proprietorships can be opened within 24 hours and incorporated business within 5 days.
Reduce the cost of company registration to a maximum of N10,000 for sole proprietorships to encourage formalization.
Review and regulate import duty waivers to promote transparency and accountability;
Forge partnerships with state and local governments and private sectors to promote innovation, entrepreneurship and cottage industries;
Work with the National Assembly to review and finalize work on the Petroleum Industry Bill (PIB);
Boost community and local participation in downstream through expansion and promotion of local content development;
Commence organizational reforms to curb corruption in NNPC and its subsidiaries
8. INDUSTRIAL RELATIONS
I pledge to:
Give political force to collective bargaining in all sectors of the economy, revive Tripartite Committee of Government, employers and workers organisations, whose task would be to constantly review matters of labour relations and the practice of industrial relations.
Undertake to institute an annual statutory tripartite body contribute towards formulation and implementation of broad macro-economic policies.
Reposition Ministry of Employment, Labour and Productivity and all relevant agencies mandated to manage labour dispute and grievance handling process to ensure pre-emptive strategies to halt the current frequent incessant strikes phenomenon.
9. POWER
The power sector has become a monstrous demonstration of corruption. Despite investment of more than X there is nothing to show but few fat cats.
I pledge to:
War against corruption in the power sector
Tackle the issue of gas availability for the proposed power plants
Emphasize alternative sources of power such as small, medium and large hydro plants (Mambilla has capacity for 4,700 megawatts), wind, coal and solar. Efforts will be geared towards smaller and potable power supply.
Start an accelerated training of human resources for the power sector.
Work with PenCom to consider giving soft loans to power sector operators.
10. YOUTH & ICT DEVELOPMENT
The youth are the salt of the nation. More than 60% of our population is categorized as being of youth age. The future of the nation depends on the brains of the youth and not on what is buried under the ground.
I pledge to:
Declare support for the appointment of young people with requisite qualification into key political offices to begin the incubation and mentoring for a successor political generation.
Unveil a policy that all federal contractors must employ at least 50% young people.
Work with the private sector to establish innovation fund for young people.
Encourage that girls’and boys’ education is prioritized in states where this is established to be a big problem.
Review and make pronouncements, with attendant political will and commitment, on the full implementation of the national youth policy.
Establish innovation centers in conjunction with proposed National Science Foundation and the private sector.
Include vocational skills in the curriculum of Almajiri schools so that they become self-employed.
Unveil a policy that will begin to multiply the efforts and effects of technology incubation centers to at least establish two of such centers in each of the geopolitical zone.
Establish a free-tuition and scholarship scheme for pupils who have shown exceptional aptitude in science subjects at O/Levels to study ICT-related courses.
Immediately establish linkages with friendly names to champion exchange programmes for the acquisition of IT related skills.
Extend the local content policies to cover software and hardware developments in the youth-driven markets. Put in place a quality assurance mechanism to ensure that standards are met and adhered to and make it a policy for companies to procure a % of their ICT needs from the local market.
Hold a summit of all ICT service providers, OEMs, etc both local and foreign that are doing business in Nigeria to device concrete skills transfer and capacity building models in a sustainable manner.

Change I Don't Believe In

I'm reading  all the status updates a.k.a political campaigns by the "change" agents and I am wondering what change they are really offering

They accused the PDP of stifling opposition and trying to make Nigeria a one-party state. Now, their campaigns are promising us the same. Can you give me an intelligent reason why the FG and a state to be led by the same party before the state gets what is due to it?

(Un)fortunately, y'all are the 'ruling party' now so your words will no longer be taken as the rantings of frustrated people. Even your body language will be monitored...

Please, please and please, stimulate our brains so we won't be 'brain dead' listening to the 'change' music, lol.

If I had a PVC, I know which party I WON'T be voting for in subsequent elections. I would have told you which party I would vote for but I never get alert, lol...#GodWin

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Just Wondering


Good morning people.

I got a BC yesterday about how the same hot water makes carrots go soft, makes eggs go hard and gets flavoured by coffee. It ended with something like how will you deal with adversity?

 

I appreciate the message that is being passed across by the BC. I actually agree that when life gives you lemons, it's best to make lemonade out of it instead of getting overwhelmed and giving up.

 

My own questions are - Won't it be weird if your carrot remained hard or changed the flavor of the water? Won't we be alarmed if the egg remained soft or changed the flavor of the hot water? #‎JustWondering. Lol.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Caught In The Very Act...And Killed

Good day people.

 

I woke up this (fateful) morning with the intention of going through my normal routine and leaving home as quickly as possible. As I made my way to the kitchen to pack the meal I made last night, I thought I saw a strange sight.

 

I quickly focused the torchlight and lo, it was a very strange sight...two beings locked together as one, oblivious to their surroundings. My first thought was to ignore them and mind my own business, I was running late...

 

I thought of the potential implications of ignoring what I'd seen...Do I want my child exposed to the potential effects of this strangeness? What if there are some spiritual issues that could arise from ignoring them? I quickly concluded that they had to die! I made my way to the kitchen and found the perfect weapon...

 

I went back and still found them in the same position when I returned. I tried to find a position where I could eliminate them both with one blow. Not trusting myself to be able to achieve that, I called for help...

 

After explaining what I saw and what I needed, she dragged herself out of bed. I gave her the weapon and in one deft move, they came tumbling down! Then I asked her "Wetin them dey do?" And she replied "Dem dey make love na" in a matter-of-factly tone.

 

Wait, what did you think I was talking about? I caught 2 cockroaches making love on a wall in my house and I convinced the nanny to help me kill them with the perfect weapon - a broom from the kitchen...

 

I found one lone cockroach a few meters away and I wondered if it was a rejected lover that wished one or both of the cockroaches dead? Anyway, those two should have been more discreet na. I mean, even when they fell, they did not come apart. Weird stuff!

 

Besides, I didn't see any sign of being married. So, who knows if it's the prayer of the cheated spouse against strange men/women that caught up with them? I don't run a brothel, people...

 

My concern now is this - it seems their relatives are after me! I could have sworn I saw the next cockroach giving me an evil eye...Well, I need to get them before they get me! Fumigation coming up next...

 

If you enjoyed this, please share and spread some cheer. Enjoy the day.