This Life of Beans

This life of beans...
First, a bike man was calling me "Fine girl" in the traffic jam...I'll jejely use my beans to make moin-moin and take it like that...

Then my young eyes beheld someone's comment on a sex/no fasting post that started with "My pastor said..."; I wanted to scream. It's great to listen to the guidance and counsel of our pastors WHEN THEY ARE IN LINE WITH WHAT THE MOST HIGH IS SAYING. In this particular case, what "my pastor said" is not consistent with what the Word says. Did I speak up? No...Why? Because I am watching my data usage...Plus my battery life...Dear believer, "my pastor says" will not take you far this year. Take personal Bible Study seriously this year and stop overloading your pastor with your responsibilities joor.
Anyway, I got home and found this party pack from one of Little Madam's classmates. In this 301 Naira/dollar economy? Chai! Thank God our birthday always falls during the holidays (No one should #Change the school calendar on me o; let's stick with the #TransformationAgenda concerning the school calendar please. Thanks). I like the pack, though...I think I'll enter it for the photo contest, though. What do you think?

Pretty Party Pack

I was talking with a neighbour about power supply in our area. All I know is that I'm praying for a mighty deliverance in Ikeja Distribution Company. I pray that the same spirit that made them remember us yesternight/this morning shall not depart from them. Everybody join me in prayers...Thanks...

Why are we suddenly silent again about #LassaFever? Is it no longer an issue?

This life of beans...I shall make moin-moin with the beans...

Welcome to my world...

PS: I woke up this morning and discovered that I've been added to yet another "Secret" Facebook group. I DETEST "Secret" groups that 1) are taking more resources from me than are adding to me, (2) are not making me a better person and believer...I feel another "Adventures of Kneekey2 in Facebook groups" story coming up...I'll wait for my mandatory 7 days before I decide to stay or leave. I suspect I'll leave but let's see how it goes...

Picture Gallery - Uncategorized

Good day friends. So, I'm still giving away pictures...

In this is post, I'll be sharing pictures without specific categories.

Picture 1 - Silverbird Man of the Year Awards
Please don't ask me why I took the picture; I really don't know why. That was the last public outing I saw Pa Gamaliel Onosode before he died.

Picture 1 - Silverbird Man of the Year Awards

Picture 2 - Tecno T340
I owned a Tecno T340 for a while before I gave it away. But that's not why I took the picture. I took the picture so I'll never forget one dude like that who decided to type one word per comment on a friend's Facebook post. When concerned netizens raised eyebrows, he explained to us that his Techno T340 did not allow him post more than one word per comment and apparently, if he didn't tell his ridiculous story at that time, t, the earth would spin out of its orbit. Meanwhile, his story had as many holes as the lace that many society women use to "oppress" themselves. My friend eventually blocked him for world peace...I was too traumatised with that experience to try to use Facebook on that device so I can neither confirm nor deny his claims.

Picture 2 - Tecno T340

Picture 3 - My Dream Living Room
Then there's the picture with my DREAM living room. By God's grace, I will have a living room like this soon...

Picture 3 - My Dream Living Room

Welcome to my world...

Picture Gallery – Memes and Funny Pictures

I’ll continue with the pictures I’m giving away to save my Storage space.

In this post, I’ll share some memes and funny pictures that I have saved so far that I now need to give to you. Promise not to laugh too hard, okay? I’ll probably need to make more posts in this category as I consider myself a funny professor and most of my contacts are hilarious anyway. Lol.

Picture Gallery (1) - From Colleagues

Hello everyone.
I've been receiving warnings from my devices the storage spaces are running low. I know I have the option of buying Memory Cards with higher storage capacities. I'll probably still do that if my cheaper alternatives don't work out.

So, here's option 1: Give all my pictures away. Yeah. I'll be posting pictures that I've taken and are just occupying space on my device. I've filed them per category. Category 1 has pictures of items that have a colleague related story...

Picture 1 - Colleague spells my name with my peanuts

 Picture 1- One of my team mates decided to spell my name with my peanuts. What do you think? Do you like it? I think it's thoughtful sha, lol.

Picture 2 - Gift from colleague

Picture 2 - Colleague travelled and came back with these for me.
My first thoughts were "Abi I have body odour?" I don't think so, though. (If you think so, please speak up now or forever remain silent abeg). So, do you think it's a proper gift? I gave them to someone that needed them (no, I don't think they have body odour o. Ehn ehn).

Picture 3 - Chewing Gum Packet

Picture 3 - Chewing Gum Packet
Another colleague usually brings this back when he travels. I like the chewing gum but I like the pack better. I mean, imagine learning Networking 101 just by buying chewing gum...

Picture 4 - Chiclosos

Picture 4 - Chiclosos
This candy will make you forget every diet resolution you made...I keep asking the "suppliers" when next they're travelling...just because of this candy...Yeah, that's how much I love 'em...Hmmm...Yummy.

That's all for this category. Thanks for reading and helping me free my devices' storage space.

Welcome to my world

Tales From The Road - The Fuel Pump Price Reduction Edition

Hello friends. Happy New Year.

I guess it's no longer news that the Federal Government has magnaminously given us the New Year gift of the reduction of fuel prices by an unprecedented amount of 50 kobo - 1 Naira (depending on whether you're buying from a NNPC station or from independent marketers). The subsidy removal that led us to #OccupyNigeria has finally happened and everyone is busy occupying the front row of their sitting rooms, lol. Seriously, I guess the best time to do away with subsidy payment is now that global oil prices are really low. I still need some explanation, though, on what happens to the ~ 1.4 Naira/litre difference between the Expected Open Market Price (EOMP) and the retail price that is purportedly remitted to the Petroleum Support Fund (PSF) as "negative subsidy". How transparent is this fund? How are we sure that it won't be looted?

Also, I need someone to please explain how the FG can remove subsidy and still regulate pump prices. I'll have thought that deregulation would be the next step after subsidy removal. This price-fixing stifles competition and the end user gets the short end of the stick na. Abi?

Well, let me now enter my gist. As I was heading to church, the first bus I entered was trying to charge me twice the normal fare. It didn't even occur to me to ask why. I sharply alighted from the bus and went to the next bus that charged the correct fare.

As I was heading home, the "conductor" of the first bus decided to fight a passenger that didn't pay the complete fare while holding ALL the money he had in his hands. Thankfully, that passenger was not a criminal. When he returned to the bus, the rest of us jokingly pointed out to him that he was penny wise and pound foolish, lol.

The driver of the second bus I entered told me the trip would cost 10 Naira more than the regular fare. I asked the driver why considering the fact that pump prices had been reduced. He claimed that it was hard getting fuel from the filling stations. Someone quickly told him that's a lie (how true is that?). One of the passengers then said "It's just 10 Naira difference na". I quickly retorted that that's how we encourage the tyranny of the bus drivers...I insisted I was going to pay what I considered a fair price...

As the bus moved, the lady that had spoken earlier greeted me. She turned out to be a friend I made while I was in secondary (high) school. No, I wasn't sorry I spoke up...It's not like she PSID my fare sef...

One bros in the bus was just blowing "fone". He was telling the driver not to run the traffic light...Thankfully, the driver listened to him that time.

As I alighted from the bus, I gave the driver what I believed was the fair price. He claimed he had asked me to come down if I couldn't pay his price. It was a bare-faced lie. I thought of insisting on my own way but I realised it was getting dark quickly. Rather than being penny wise, pound foolish, I decided to add the 10 Naira and get away from there as quickly as possible.

I'm just wondering why transport fares keep increasing whenever there is a change (positive or negative) in pump prices. Who will save us from the tyranny of the bus drivers that determine transport fares without following any particular logic? I think the transportation sector needs price-fixing more than the petroleum sector. Abi?

Welcome to my world...

Dear Successful Woman

Good morning friends.
How are you doing? I trust that all is well.
Tales from the road is loading...

Bus Conductor: All of you just dey bring five five hundred. I no get change o

Kneekey2: Conductor, here's one thousand so you won't have only five five hundreds...

Smh @ Kneekey2.

Anyway, I'm on my regular Facebook waka and I saw a post about America's super couple's alleged marital problems and impending split. First of all, why is it domestic staff that are usually the 'source'?
As usual, the hilarious part is in the 'Comment' section. Someone has advertised whatever it is they're selling. Another one has posted a vacancy...smh!
Some are there lamenting how ugly the husband is (Eda omo araye). Then there's the comment that caused this post. According to the Dibia that has received revelation from the spirits, the reason why the supercouple are having (unconfirmed) marital problems is because the wife is as rich as the husband...People, the oracle has spoken...

PS: Success and likeability is positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. So, dear successful woman, don't expect too many fans. Just make do with air conditioners and natural ventilation...

Welcome to my world...

Tales From The Road - Bank Runs

Long time friends...

I lost my ATM over the weekend so I decided to just block the card and link the account to the second ATM card I have from the same bank. I also had another transaction to do in the bank. I thought I'll just breeze in and out of the bank...Err, WRONG! I spent about one and a half hours on this matter...

I got to the 'bank' (which I noticed for the first time TODAY is actually a Quick Service Point, QSP) and met a queue. I gritted my teeth, quickly asked for relevant forms and joined the queue. I filled the forms while waiting. I noticed that one dude was trying to do some 'kurukere' and jump the queue. I quickly put on my 'War against Indiscipline' look and warned him to join the queue (that move ALWAYS backfires but do you think Kneekey2 listened to the inner voice of reason that told me to chill out? You guessed right...No, she didn't...). As I was waiting for my turn, I realised that my colleague was also in the bank. He drove so I asked him to please wait for me. So, I was gingered to finish quickly.

The bros aiming to jump the queue told me his transaction was a quick one; I told him mine was shorter. I eventually got attended to before him. As I was waiting for my transactions to be concluded, I heard someone call me by my maiden name. Lo and behold, I saw my old school mate whom I hadn't seen in 11 years. As we 'caught up' across the hall, she reminded me that it's been 11 years and I realised that kneekey2 is now an 'Agba', lol.

The customer care lady told me she had blocked my lost card but that I needed to get to another branch (the main bank in the area) to link my account. In 2015? I was just weak and I decided to leave without making a scene as my colleague was waiting for me. I quickly got my old school friend's number.

I got to the car park and began to search for my colleague..."I yahoo yahoo, no one, no one; I gmailed gmailed, no one, no one, I facebooked, facebooked, no one, no one; there was no one like him", lol. The bros trying to jump the queue came out and was laughing at me. He even offered me a ride...See why I need to stop all these my WAI moves...it didn't worth it, lol.

Since I couldn't find my colleague, I decided to get to the main branch. The description I was given seemed straightforward enough...Err, WRONG AGAIN...I joined a bus and asked for the landmark I was given at the QSP when the bus conductor didn't seem to know about a second branch of the bank (that should have been my cue but did kneekey2 take the cue? You guessed right again).

The kind man in the bus that knew where the main branch was showed me where to alight. He pointed to the landmark and told me that the branch was OPPOSITE the landmark. To be fair to him, he said something about taking a bike but I wondered why I needed a bike when the bank was OPPOSITE the landmark. So, kneekey2 decided to take a quick stroll. And that's how I kept going...and going...and going. I got to a point and I had to ask where the branch was. Plain and unadulterated wickedness fa. The branch was located too far from the landmark to be described as being OPPOSITE the landmark. After travelling about a quarter of the Israelite journey (okay 1/20 is truer, lol), I FINALLY found the branch. I wonder why I had to go to such an obscure location just to link my account to an existing ATM card...Nigerian banks be insensitive to their customers since nineteen kpidirim...

Finally, I got to this branch and met a queue...Ha! Again? So I went to one of the customer care reps that was kinda sitting apart and asked if she could attend to me as I had come from far, like the wise men, just to link my account. Thankfully, the lady asked me to wait for her to finish attending to the person she was talking to when I got in. It turned out that she was the only one that could attend to me in the entire branch. Sigh. She looked familiar. We traced our entire backgrounds and we still couldn't establish why she looked familiar...Then she gave me a form that I just filled at the QSP and I lamented that I filled a similar form earlier. She asked why they didn't deal with my request at the QSP. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, lol. While waiting for the nice lady to complete my transaction, one of the other customers claimed that he would share a testimony as he came to XX bank and for the first time EVER, he didn't have to queue. Hahahaha.

As I headed back, I could see the expressway but there was this wire mesh between where I was and the expressway. I asked one of the guys around if there was an opening that I could go through to get to the expressway. He told me there was but I couldn't bend through it. I told him I could bend...So, he gave me directions. When I got to the 'opening', I saw his point. The 'opening' was at the bottom of the mesh. I had to ask the guy that came through how Herod it. He said I essentially had to slide through the opening. Considering how things had gone so far, I knew attempting to glide through would be disastrous for me. So, I advised myself and used the 'long-cut', lol.

That's how I joined a bus going to the bus stop I'm supposed to be familiar with. The route the driver used is one I'm not familiar with. I think the bus was going at 1 km/hr, lol. The conductor kept talking about a 'ram bacteria' bus stop. I was wondering what was going on in the mind of whoever named the bus stop...Finally, one of the passengers said he wanted to alight at 'raw material' bus stop...Raw material, ram bacteria...Same difference...Who names these bus stops? Smh!

Finally, after only one and a half hours, I concluded my 'walk in the park' bank runs.

Welcome to my world....