Dear Successful Woman

Good morning friends.
How are you doing? I trust that all is well.
Tales from the road is loading...

Bus Conductor: All of you just dey bring five five hundred. I no get change o

Kneekey2: Conductor, here's one thousand so you won't have only five five hundreds...

Smh @ Kneekey2.

Anyway, I'm on my regular Facebook waka and I saw a post about America's super couple's alleged marital problems and impending split. First of all, why is it domestic staff that are usually the 'source'?
As usual, the hilarious part is in the 'Comment' section. Someone has advertised whatever it is they're selling. Another one has posted a vacancy...smh!
Some are there lamenting how ugly the husband is (Eda omo araye). Then there's the comment that caused this post. According to the Dibia that has received revelation from the spirits, the reason why the supercouple are having (unconfirmed) marital problems is because the wife is as rich as the husband...People, the oracle has spoken...

PS: Success and likeability is positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. So, dear successful woman, don't expect too many fans. Just make do with air conditioners and natural ventilation...

Welcome to my world...

Tales From The Road - Bank Runs

Long time friends...

I lost my ATM over the weekend so I decided to just block the card and link the account to the second ATM card I have from the same bank. I also had another transaction to do in the bank. I thought I'll just breeze in and out of the bank...Err, WRONG! I spent about one and a half hours on this matter...

I got to the 'bank' (which I noticed for the first time TODAY is actually a Quick Service Point, QSP) and met a queue. I gritted my teeth, quickly asked for relevant forms and joined the queue. I filled the forms while waiting. I noticed that one dude was trying to do some 'kurukere' and jump the queue. I quickly put on my 'War against Indiscipline' look and warned him to join the queue (that move ALWAYS backfires but do you think Kneekey2 listened to the inner voice of reason that told me to chill out? You guessed right...No, she didn't...). As I was waiting for my turn, I realised that my colleague was also in the bank. He drove so I asked him to please wait for me. So, I was gingered to finish quickly.

The bros aiming to jump the queue told me his transaction was a quick one; I told him mine was shorter. I eventually got attended to before him. As I was waiting for my transactions to be concluded, I heard someone call me by my maiden name. Lo and behold, I saw my old school mate whom I hadn't seen in 11 years. As we 'caught up' across the hall, she reminded me that it's been 11 years and I realised that kneekey2 is now an 'Agba', lol.

The customer care lady told me she had blocked my lost card but that I needed to get to another branch (the main bank in the area) to link my account. In 2015? I was just weak and I decided to leave without making a scene as my colleague was waiting for me. I quickly got my old school friend's number.

I got to the car park and began to search for my colleague..."I yahoo yahoo, no one, no one; I gmailed gmailed, no one, no one, I facebooked, facebooked, no one, no one; there was no one like him", lol. The bros trying to jump the queue came out and was laughing at me. He even offered me a ride...See why I need to stop all these my WAI moves...it didn't worth it, lol.

Since I couldn't find my colleague, I decided to get to the main branch. The description I was given seemed straightforward enough...Err, WRONG AGAIN...I joined a bus and asked for the landmark I was given at the QSP when the bus conductor didn't seem to know about a second branch of the bank (that should have been my cue but did kneekey2 take the cue? You guessed right again).

The kind man in the bus that knew where the main branch was showed me where to alight. He pointed to the landmark and told me that the branch was OPPOSITE the landmark. To be fair to him, he said something about taking a bike but I wondered why I needed a bike when the bank was OPPOSITE the landmark. So, kneekey2 decided to take a quick stroll. And that's how I kept going...and going...and going. I got to a point and I had to ask where the branch was. Plain and unadulterated wickedness fa. The branch was located too far from the landmark to be described as being OPPOSITE the landmark. After travelling about a quarter of the Israelite journey (okay 1/20 is truer, lol), I FINALLY found the branch. I wonder why I had to go to such an obscure location just to link my account to an existing ATM card...Nigerian banks be insensitive to their customers since nineteen kpidirim...

Finally, I got to this branch and met a queue...Ha! Again? So I went to one of the customer care reps that was kinda sitting apart and asked if she could attend to me as I had come from far, like the wise men, just to link my account. Thankfully, the lady asked me to wait for her to finish attending to the person she was talking to when I got in. It turned out that she was the only one that could attend to me in the entire branch. Sigh. She looked familiar. We traced our entire backgrounds and we still couldn't establish why she looked familiar...Then she gave me a form that I just filled at the QSP and I lamented that I filled a similar form earlier. She asked why they didn't deal with my request at the QSP. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, lol. While waiting for the nice lady to complete my transaction, one of the other customers claimed that he would share a testimony as he came to XX bank and for the first time EVER, he didn't have to queue. Hahahaha.

As I headed back, I could see the expressway but there was this wire mesh between where I was and the expressway. I asked one of the guys around if there was an opening that I could go through to get to the expressway. He told me there was but I couldn't bend through it. I told him I could bend...So, he gave me directions. When I got to the 'opening', I saw his point. The 'opening' was at the bottom of the mesh. I had to ask the guy that came through how Herod it. He said I essentially had to slide through the opening. Considering how things had gone so far, I knew attempting to glide through would be disastrous for me. So, I advised myself and used the 'long-cut', lol.

That's how I joined a bus going to the bus stop I'm supposed to be familiar with. The route the driver used is one I'm not familiar with. I think the bus was going at 1 km/hr, lol. The conductor kept talking about a 'ram bacteria' bus stop. I was wondering what was going on in the mind of whoever named the bus stop...Finally, one of the passengers said he wanted to alight at 'raw material' bus stop...Raw material, ram bacteria...Same difference...Who names these bus stops? Smh!

Finally, after only one and a half hours, I concluded my 'walk in the park' bank runs.

Welcome to my world....

Human Papilloma Virus

I hope you are in excellent health today.

Today, let us talk about Human Papilloma Virus or HPV for short.

HPV is the name for a group of viruses that affect the skin and mucous or moist membranes in your body like the cervix, anus, mouth or throat. It is sexually transmitted and it is different from Herpes group of viruses which cause similar infections in people infected.

HPV is common and highly contagious. There are several types of the HPV (about 100 subtypes) and about half of these subtypes can affect the genital area.

HPV can cause genital warts and malignant changes (abnormal tissue growth) in the cells of the cervix which could lead to cervical cancer.

Infections caused by HPV are seen mostly in sexually active females (most especially females of child bearing age). If one tests positive, it is advised that the partner is also tested. It is also advised that you discuss with your doctor about testing options and the vaccines available before taking one.

The tests usually carried out are semi-invasive i.e an instrument will be used to collect some samples of your cervix for test. Your doctor will guide you on what todo.

Do take care of yourself, sister.

Until  next update, keep being healthy and God Bless you.

 

Your Friendly Health Worker.

Common Vaginal Infections

It’s your Friendly Health Worker here.
So, we will have a general talk about common Vaginal Infections. These infections may be caused by Hormonal Imbalances, Antibiotic use, Sexual Intercourse, Pregnancy and Breastfeeding.
Note carefully, these factors generally predispose one to Vaginal Infections but some women are more prone to Vaginal Infections than others for no known documented reasons. You should always see your doctor whenever there are signs and symptoms you may have that you are not comfortable with.
These infections include;
Yeast Infections- Caused by Candida species. I think this is the commonest given our penchant for antibiotic abuse. It causes vaginal/vulval itching, redness and thick, creamy discharges. 
Trichomonitis or “Trich’- Caused by the parasite Trichomonas vaginalis and is sexually transmitted. Causes burning, irritation, redness, and swelling of the vulva, with a yellow-gray or greenish vaginal discharge, possibly with a fishy odor. Some women also experience pain during urination.


Bacterial Vaginosis- Caused by the Lactobacilli that are naturally resident in the vagina (Gardnerella species are usually implicated in this case). They only cause infections when there is a change in the pH balance of the vagina causing an overgrowth of the bacteria species.
Chlamydia Vaginitis- Caused by the organism Chlamydia trachomatis. This is sexually transmitted
Non infectious Vaginosis- Caused by sensitivity to irritants like perfumed soaps, douches etc. Treatment is simple. Stop using those products and the skin irritation will go away.
Viral Vaginosis- Caused by viruses like Herpes Simplex group of viruses.
Like I have said repeatedly, when you see a discharge you are not comfortable with, see your doctor for proper diagnosis and appropriate treatment. Never self medicate and never take someone else’s prescription. 
I’ll be back with more on our health, sis. Till then, keep being healthy and God bless you.

Your Friendly Health Worker

Sponsors are VERY welcome.

THE FRIENDLY HEALTH WORKER - DEBUT

Yippee! I have my first official guest writer. She's a health worker and will for now be known only as our Friendly Health Worker. Sponsors are VERY WELCOME for this segment.

It’s your Friendly Health Worker here.
You see, I decided to start writing you these little friendly notes because I have noticed you may have been doing certain things wrong without knowing; by wrong, I mean, you have been committing the sins of omission and commission with regards to your health and have put your health at risk one way or the other. Now, like someone who cares for you, I have taken it upon myself to drop some friendly nuggets so that you can take better care of yourself.

Why is it my business? I care. Simple. Our focus this millennium is Preventative Medicine and the first step is EDUCATION. So, from now, rest assured I’ll be stopping by every week to open your eyes and mind to certain things.
In this note, we will talk about myths related to PERSONAL HYGIENE and how it affects your health. Personal Hygiene can be related to those everyday practices that we may carry out in order to reduce/halt the spread of infections. These practices range from hand washing to clothes washing; from mouth washing to feminine washing. Never mind, I promise to be brief.
You know how if you don’t wash your clothes, they smell? That is how our mouths and bodies are. I will not bore you with details of how to wash your mouth and bodies but I will dispel some myths you may have heard while growing up.
You do not need a hard brush to have clean teeth. Hard brushes erode the visible part of the teeth called ENAMEL and over time can lead to tooth sensitivity which can be very uncomfortable to live with. Having a clean mouth and fresh breath is a combination of the right use of products and good brushing techniques. And of course, scheduled Dental visits.
You see that liquid in that bottle in your bathroom? Yes, that FemWash you use to clean your vagina every morning to get rid of ‘smells’? Ditch it!! Now! Throw it in the trash!!! You see, the body has been fearfully and wonderfully made. There are ‘friendly’ microbes that reside on the skin and in the vaginal area whose jobs are to create a balance of pH in those areas. Once that balance is created, you notice that you have little or no reasons to have discharges or ugly smells coming from your vagina. Also, there are discharges that are perfectly normal. See your gynaecologist if you have any discharge or smell that bothers you but never douche with a feminine wash!!! It will do you more harm than good. Instead, a non perfumed, gentle soap will do or better still, wash with good old warm water alone. Surprised? You will thank me later.
That towel you can’t seem to get rid of? Yes, that one that has changed colour from blue to white? Ditch it!!! Need I tell you why? LOL
Change your toothbrush every three months or as soon as they start fraying at the edges. This prevents teeth and gum injuries.
Don’t self medicate!!!! It is very dangerous. We will talk about this in another post.
If your vagina is itchy, it is not ‘toilet infection’. In fact, there is nothing like toilet infection. See a qualified doctor for check up so that the cause of the itch can be traced and treated appropriately. It could be a change in diet or lifestyle or hormonal changes causing it but never, ever take any symptom for granted. And never self medicate!!!
Do you know your undies ought to also be change periodically? Yes. Some ‘yamayama’ germs may decide to live, increase and multiply on that your special red pant. Please, ditch it after 3 months or once the colour starts fading. 
Most importantly, find a qualified Obsterician/Gynaecologist and befriend. Also, make sure to keep his/her appointments at least twice in a year. It may be the difference between life and death for you, you may never know.
A WORD OF KNOWLEDGE
Have you heard of Cervarix? It is a vaccine against Human Papilloma Virus, a major predisposing factor in Cervical Cancer. Book an appointment with a gynae today and ask about this wonderful vaccine. It may save your life!!!
Until next tip, sister, keep being healthy and God bless you.

Your Friendly Health Worker.

THIS LIFE OF BEANS

This life sha. It is well.

That’s how I was going on my own jeje and one Aunty decided to make me her by-force confidant. Me that I’m disciplining myself not to be talking upandan.

In the space of 2 days of ‘friendship’, Aunty was already telling me the kind of phone she uses. I met her in a group and she started telling me how she felt unwelcome after 2 days. Sigh!

I hail the men that have to deal with women who can never seem to stop chatting. Like it’s a crime to be quiet or something. I told the lady in this gist that in the group she was talking about, we can go for 1 week without chatting, then have 350 messages in 1 hour, when required.

I met another lady online and without asking, she started telling me her family history…And I am not a doctor o or a therapist. I know I’m supposed to be playing but this one is a serious matter. There is a time to keep silent. You shouldn’t meet someone in one day and be telling them your life history IF they are not doctors that need to know your medical history. Talkie talkie can fit to cause wahala ooo.

Welcome to my world.

Tales From The Road - The Destiny Edition

Good morning my people. I have come again as I usually come.

 

I am on the road again, 3rd Mainland to be precise. The bus I'm riding in is overheating and the driver has FINALLY found someone to borrow him water. I had advised the driver to fetch water from the body of water around it. And I have a meeting to attend by 9am. All these workers of iniquity that want to use their reggae to spoil my blues, God pass you ooo.

 

One dude is trying to get a bike from Third Mainland Bridge to Lekki. It is well! God will help us...And I really woke up early today ooo.

 

Thankfully, the bus has started moving. Na prayer and fasting I dey take move am ooo.

 

The ring tone of this mummy sitting beside me that looks like a conc SU is Korede Bello's "God win". Shebi some people are saying that it is not a spiritual song. Issorait.

 

A mum and her kid are singing The Barney song and other nursery rhymes. Way to go, mom. Reminds me of the part of the song that Little Madam loves from her Cedarmont Kids CD - "The Mummies in the Bus go 'shh shh shh'". My best part of the song is "The babies bus go 'ween ween ween'". That's how we both send ourselves sublimal messages jere...

 

The driver of our bus was trying to emotionally blackmail the driver he was begging to allow him join the proper lane with "Abiyamo sha ni yin" (You are a parent). Please don't ask me what being an "Abiyamo" has to do with giving him the space o. The dude beside me asked our driver if he also isn't an "Abiyamo". According to him, an "Abiyamo" will not drive the nonsense that our driver has been driving. The Bros eye dey red, mehn. Lol.

 

This 'shortcut' the driver came through is longer than the 'longcut'...There's even water on the road. If to say fasting and prayer dey finish, na this journey I for exhaust my yearly allocation...God will help us.

 

We FINALLY broke through and I made it JUST in time for my meeting. It's definitely a destiny transforming story...Welcome to my world...